Half a Cup of Chai

WORDPRESS!

2007-10-25T01:52:00.001-04:00

I've FINALLY gone ahead and moves my blog to Wordpress, for better or worse.

http://halfacupofchai.wordpress.com

You'll be redirected to the new blog in about 10 seconds...if my attempt to be html-savvy has not worked then please click the link above :)

Kids say the darndest things...

2007-10-20T09:49:00.000-04:00

Had to share this with you - a bit of a conversation between my 8 year old sister and I on MSN (don't worry, she's only got me, my brother and one cousin on there and she doesn't know the password, only I do):

M says:
the computer won't let us talk so much longer :(

M says:
because the bar is getting really small

AKA says:
the bar? what bar?

M says:
the little bar on the side

(*moments later it clicks*)
AKA says:
ohhhh no! Baby that has nothing to do with how long you can talk!

AKA says:
It's called a "scroll bar". See the little triangles at the top and bottom of the bar?

M says:
ya

AKA says:
if you click on it the screen will go up and it will show you what we've written to each other so far

M says:
ohhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

The Cleansing of the Aura

2007-10-19T11:30:00.000-04:00

I've been a little absent the past month.

Not only on my own blog, but on others' as well. But the absent-ness doesn't stop there. I've been away from my own mind it would so seem.

I turn *gulp* 25 in 10 (11 if you're on the other side of the world right now) more days, and a lot of the last couple months has been spent wondering how I've gotten to this point in my life without being as honest with myself as I should be. And for some reason or another I've been extra homesick since coming back to school here in Australia for my 2nd semester. I thought it was something to do with having to miss Eid and my birthday this month, but maybe it's not just that.

As much as I've enjoyed my experience here in Oz, I've also come to realize that I've really let a lot of opportunities slip by me in the last couple years when it came to meeting someone to share the rest of my life with. At first I thought I was thinking about all of this because of the pressure to get married that has been ever-increasing since I turned about 20.

But then I slowly came to see that these feelings were coming from within me. Watching a lot of my friends become engaged or married from all the way over here has made me feel that I'm missing out on some part of life. I've always been one to have my head in the clouds and not really pay attention to who's going out with who(whom?), what's the latest happenings in the community and so on. I focused my energy on my family and friends, school and filled the empty spaces with books, movies, TV, and this blog.

I've always had this touch of a Peter Pan syndrome where I thought I could be a kid at heart forever even if the age number kept climbing. I figured that when it was meant to be, the right person would just come along and everything would fall into place as it should. But now, after having done some soul-searching and being more honest with friends and myself I see that I'm lonely in my heart more than anything. Yes, I do miss everyone back home, but that's an ongoing thing that I came to terms with when I moved here in May. But this feeling is of some other nature and it's now just plaguing my days it seems (as they say, ignorance is bliss...so knowledge is annoying).

Since getting back to school in mid-September (around the time of my last post) I've been sick a couple times, had to set up a new apartment, get used to having an extra course on my school plate and just other small adjustments we tend to have to make in everyday life (grocery store no longer stocking Multi-Grain Cheerios...!?).

But in all honestly, I had absolutely nothing to contribute to this blog. Apathy quickly settled in and I didn't even make it to my laptop before I lost interest in even the smallest interesting incident. Every day has been more or less of a routine and a blur while I've been in this cocoon of my own thoughts.

BUT, I am happy to report that I am no longer lost in the foggy mist that is life (yuck, can't believe I wrote, let alone thought, such a line...but nothing else to replace it since it's now almost 2:00am here). I feel much happier these days and am learning AT LAST to be comfortable in my own skin. I've taken some matters into my own hands while still leaving others to God.

I'm taking dear Samosa's advice and am going to be a lot more honest and opinionated - password protected posts be damned - with others and more importantly myself.

Bring on the 25th birthday!

The Tent

2007-09-16T20:11:00.000-04:00

Phew.

That's the only way I can sum up the last month. As quickly as my first semester here in Oz came and went, so did my vacation time back home. I didn't do a lot, but in that accomplished a great deal. I got to spend some much needed time with my family and friends (including meeting some more bloggers), I got my coffee fix a few times over, remembered what it was to have a home-cooked meal again, and just had a lot of laughs.

Ohh and I almost sort of got to see Matt Damon. Almost sorta not really. The Toronto International Film Festival had started while I was home and Jason Bourne himself (ie Matt Damon) was in town doing a press conference for the organization he is now a part of for children called OneXOne (one by one http://www.onexonecampaign.com/). He held a gala in Toronto with Wyclef Jean and Shakira. I happened to be driving downtown at the time when the press conference was going on outside...well, ok, truthfully, what I expect was the press conference for the gala since there was a white tent set up and tons of cameras and photographers with bright lights. Only problem was that whoever was inside had their backs toward the tent part that faced outside but I could tell they were sitting there since the cameras were pointed and flashing in that direction. There was a huge crowd surrounding the outside, stretching to get a glimpse. There was a humongous onexone banner on the building next to the tent...

So yes, I am assuming, with every bit of logic, that Matt Damon was inside and the hand that I think I saw was his. Since I had a car full of relatives I was supposed to be giving a tour of Toronto to, and I was the one driving, I had to smother the desire to leap out the car and go running down the street towards him.

It was him. It had to be.

Please don't burst my bubble. I'm very content in it.

2007-09-12T00:09:00.000-04:00

Vacation is over and I'm heading back to the reality that is school. sigh...why can't vacation days last longer than normal ones?

Back to updating when I'm settled in down under...

2007-08-29T00:50:00.000-04:00

Back to home cooked meals, family, Tim Horton's coffee, friends, familiar places, Tim Horton's coffee, my own car, regular sized coin and bills, same time zone as everyone else,Tim Horton's coffee...

It's good to be home again and it's odd because it feels like Australia was almost a dream that I just woke up from so I never really left home. Then again at other moments it feels like I've been gone for a year instead of about 4 months.

I'm taking a few more days off from blogging...mainly because I cannot drag my sister away from the computer as easily as before and because mind is on 'hibernate' mode and I'm really not thinking of anything else but what I'll have for lunch, who I'll go out to see and what movie I can watch. I was given a set of documentaries and found a Noam Chomsky book I've been meaning to read, but intellectual stimulation seems so unnecessary right now. Not when there is homemade ice cream and old Bollywood movies in the house...

Waiting...

2007-08-19T21:16:00.001-04:00

I am bored.

I am bored of waiting.

I am bored of waiting at the Sydney airport.

I am bored of waiting at the Sydney airport and not looking forward to a 16 hour flight.

I am bored of waiting at the Sydney airport and not looking forward to a 16 hour flight, but excited to be going home.

I am bored of waiting at the Sydney airport and not looking forward to a 16 hour flight, but excited to be going home, but wish I had longer than 3 weeks.

I am bored of waiting at the Sydney airport and not looking forward to a 16 hour flight, but excited to be going home, but wish I had longer than 3 weeks and am paying a lot for hotspot internet.

I am bored of waiting at the Sydney airport and not looking forward to a 16 hour flight, but excited to be going home, but wish I had longer than 3 weeks and am paying a lot for hotspot internet as well as everything else at the airport.

I am bored of waiting at the Sydney airport and not looking forward to a 16 hour flight, but excited to be going home, but wish I had longer than 3 weeks and am paying a lot for hotspot internet as well as everything else at the airport.

I am going to go check in :D

Home Sweet Home

2007-08-17T19:52:00.000-04:00

I'm in disbelief over the idea that my first semester of law in Australia is over. I just wrote my last exam yesterday and after sighing with relief, the adrenaline that I had worked up over the anticipation, anxiety and exhaustion wore out and I was completely drained - but still very relieved. It seems to me that the days are flying by so much quicker these days and although sometimes I think that it's good in the sense that I can get on with the process of law school more quickly and go home during breaks, it also saddens me to realize that we're having difficulty holding on to moments within our days.

It seems like I was just preparing to come here and right now I'm sitting amongst three open suitcases packing up my residence room to move off campus and to also leave for home on Monday morning. It's that feeling you have when you wait for something for so long and the anticipation grows, but the moment passes by so quickly that the afterthought seems longer than the wait up to it.

I'm going to be busy with moving and traveling back home over the next few days, and right now I'm just avoiding looking at the pile of clothes, paper and odds and ends because sleeping seems like a much better alternative to packing and moving! But I have about a 20+ hour flight for that so I'll save it for then.

I'm excited to go home and possibly meet more bloggers(?). Just the idea of mom's cooking, my old bed, lovely friends, and Tim Horton's coffee! I just hope the three weeks that I am home will be slow enough to enjoy :)

Illegal Downloading: Good or Bad?

2007-08-12T10:50:00.000-04:00

In the midst of exam angst, a friend asked me if I had any movies I could give or lend her. I had a couple DVDs on hand so I offered those. She asked me if I had any on my computer that I've downloaded. This caught me by surprise, or amusement rather, since she is one of the very few people I know who makes it a point to say that she doesn't download music, she buys it from iTunes because she says "I just think it's right to only buy them, y'know?"

Sure, I know. Not only is file sharing of copyrighted material is illegal, the morality of taking another's creative work without compensation is a big issue for many people. But this girl was perfectly okay with downloading movies from torrent files, Limewire and other sources (she had told me she'd been searching/downloading some last week) and asking others for the same.

How is a movie any different from a song!? Same concept, different medium! My "WTF?" expression didn't have any effect because she seemed to not see the connection between her request for downloaded movie and her previous holier-than-thou speech about always buying her songs. When asked to explain her phenomenal distinction and policy, even she had no idea why - "yeah I know, it's weird. But y'know....so do you have any?"

WTF?!

What are your opinions on downloading/file-sharing?

p.s. FYI - if you live in Spain, by any slim chance, I'd comment anonymously if you have a pro-downloading opinion since it's a civil (and possibly criminal) offense to file-share copyrighted material now that the legislation has been passed :)

Exam Preparation Checklist:

2007-08-07T09:18:00.000-04:00

Exam Preparation Checklist:

_x_ Red Bull (sugarless, chilled - 2 cans for every 8 hours of study)

_x_ Oreos (original or double stuffed)

_x_ Twix chocolate bar(s)

_x_ Bottled water (chilled and room temperature)

_x_ Almonds (for the healthy option)

_x_ Red seedless grapes (also healthy but fun to munch)

_x_ Two pillows (for sitting on the bed with my back to the wall at home)

_x_ not-too-thick-not-too-thin blanket (for at home studying)

_x_ comfy track pants and hoodie

_x_ colourful highlighters

__ Textbooks (note to self: remove plastic wrap on all books)

_x_ Post-it sticky notes

_x_ laptop

__ prescribed computer wear glasses (note to self #2 - find prescribed computer wear glasses)

_x_ headphones (to drown out the unnecessarily chatty girls sitting in front of me)

_x_ "24" season 4 DVD (for my "break time")

_?_ Lecture notes (missing lecture #6-8...?)

__ Brain

_x_ Sense of sheer terror and dread of exams

_x_ Realization that sleep can no longer be a necessity

Family Ties

2007-08-05T03:29:00.000-04:00

Today it just hit me that I am really missing my little sister growing up while being away. I just saw some pictures of her that were taken today and comparing that to just a few months ago when I was home, she seems so much older! I didn't think 8 year olds could hit growth spurts like that in 3-4 months! She just looked much more mature and different and it's bothering me so much.

I haven't seen her since I got here since their webcam does not work and no one's had time to get a replacement so the change seems so sudden. My mom said she'd gotten taller, but I guess because changes in your face are so gradual that people you see every day don't notice.

She and I are about 16 years apart - I always knew there'd come a time where my brother (3 years younger than me) and I would be off living our lives and she'd be on her own. And for some reason I almost feel guilty. Like I should be there in her house to play with her and be bored with her, especially now that she's on summer vacation. Despite there being 4 other people in the house right now (parents, brother and my grandmother), she's just as alone since everyone is busy. They make time for her as best as they can, but it's so different from when my brother and I were little.

Back then we'd have each other to annoy and play with when we were bored and our parents had more time. But both my parents run their own businesses so there's always something to be done and their working hours can be all over the place. And my brother is moving out next month to start a Masters program in downtown Toronto.

By the time I'm done this program she'll be a little over 10 years old and I feel like she's growing up without me, other than on the phone. My brother and I have had such a big influence on each other's lives and I'm afraid we won't get to have the same bond with her.

This is not a whining fest about how unfair life is - I'm grateful for this opportunity for my life to be here to study, but sometimes I wish I had stayed home just for her sake.

(the picture on the top left is of my dad and sister at the beach when they came down here to Australia with me in May)

Beep.

2007-08-01T15:14:00.000-04:00

"Hi, you've reached 416-xxx-xxxx...."

I have no explanation for it, but I'm incapable of leaving a message on an answering machine in one try. Maybe it's the availability of that "erase and re-record" option after you've pressed "#" that causes me to fumble my message the first (second, third, sometimes fourth) time around because I know I can start over if I forgot to throw in some information or I just sounded weird.

"Sorry, I'm not here to take you're call at the moment...."

Though when we call someone it's obvious we'd rather speak to that person right away than leave a message, but after that third ring when we know we're likely to hear their voice come up and ask for you to leave a message, I tense up and start racking my brain to come up with some coherent stream of words to be put together in a casual and clear message.

"Please leave me a detailed message..."

I use the basic who, what, where, when, how and why to sort out my thoughts before that tone goes off. Still I'm caught off guard and end up winging the message with a lot of suttering, mumbling and 'um' and 'annndd' and other filler words.

"..at the tone. Beep"

Oh crap, what did I need to say again? Oh right... "Ahem...Hi! This is AKA, I was calling in regards to... (who did I dial again? Ohh right.) um, I do need to hear back from you a.s.a.p. (shoot, should've said "as soon as possible", sounds better) please call me back at 905 (dammit wrong country!!!)..I mean, sorry, 042......Thank you (should I throw in a have a nice day? Why not, maybe they're having a bad one)...Have a good day (nice! I meant to say nice...ah well) ."

And when I do get through that message I have the urge to go back and listen to the jumble of sentences I've left on that poor soul's voice mail. As the playback starts I start editing my message for things I've left out and other things I didn't need to say. Then comes attempt #2. "Ok," I say to myself, "just get it all in with one shot then just HANG UP...my name, why I'm calling, and my number, it's easy! Aaaaand..Go!"

I'm not exaggerating when I say that about 3 days ago I was leaving a message for a potential hiring manager and I had to re-record my message Eight times. A few times my voice sounded squeaky. Once I forgot to put in my name. I started coughing at the beginning of another. Then a few times I didn't sound confident enough. Then in another I didn't sound friendly enough. Finally I blurted out a message (I had enough rehearsals after all) and hung up quickly before my finger had the chance to choose the option to review my message. I still haven't heard back from her...maybe one more try would've helped?

(You think that's bad? I haven't told you what I go through to set up my own voicemail...)

Sydney in all (or some) of its glory

2007-07-29T18:08:00.001-04:00

I took a weekend trip into Sydney a couple weeks ago and since I said I would share my Aussie experience, here are some select pictures I took while there (same as the ones on Facebook)...
(you can click on the image or the URL to take you to the web album)

Make sure to check the very last picture/thumbnail in the album - it's a a really small video I took from the steps of the Opera House - just so you can get an idea of where everything is around it. Not exactly master photography work, but it's the best I've got! Enjoy :)

http://picasaweb.google.com/halfacupofchai/Sydney

Pride and Prejudice...and the Paper

2007-07-29T01:27:00.000-04:00

The writing process is a hard one for me. Whether an essay or blog post, I sit thinking in my head of where to begin. Once the wheels start grinding in my head, I can pick up steam and plow into my work. But sometimes, "for fun", I decide to write about my frustrations out of sheer boredom. One day while working in the library I had an encounter with another student that I wrote about right after she left. While cleaning up my hard drive today I found what I had written (and saved for some reason) and thought I'd share a bit of randomness from my mind - what else is a blog good for?

I leaned my head back against the wall behind my cramped corner desk and started back at the flashing cursor on the still blank page open on my notebook computer. Maybe if I scrunch my eyes together tight enough a great opening line for this paper will pop out from the pressure? I tried it. Nope, still nothing. Damn that cursor! It’s as if it became my third grade teacher, Mrs. Ferguson, tapping her pointy-toe heel shoes on the ground as her patience with me grew thinner while she hovered over me when I was trying to figure out my multiplication tables. The more impatient she got, the faster she tapped. And at this moment I could swear that the cursor started to speed up its own intolerant flashing.

After all, how hard was it to write a judicial reasoning paper on the principles, rules and policies used by the High Court to decide on establishing a tort of individual and corporate privacy?

Frustrated at my slow beginning on my paper, I closed my laptop and leaned forward, shutting my eyes, to rest my head on top.

I stayed in that position about ten seconds before an airy, high-pitched voice drifted towards me.

“Helloooooo” it called.

Oh no. Here she is to ask about the progress of my paper. My nonexistent paper. I can get away with lying for about thirty seconds before she sees through my fake drivel. And then her self-praising air will kick start to choke me. How well can I fake a migraine?

"Done yet hmmm?" she asks me, smirk already plastered on her face.

"No, not all the way yet, I was just --"

"Reallyyy? I just have to write my conclusion! I think most people are struggling, but honestly I don't see the big deal. It was actually pretty easy. Maybe I could help you, what are you having trouble with?" she asked batting her lashes and smoothing her auburn hair - probably to keep her devil horns from popping out.

"Actually, you didn't let me finish," I said, taking a deep breath trying keep my voice steady and convincing. She was not going to put down another student. I will not stand for it anymore - procrastinators and the confused have some pride and dignity to maintain. "I haven't finished all the way because I'm just editing my final draft." I try imitating her smirk, but I think it's come out lopsided and too happy. But her reaction was gold.

"You're finished?!" she sputters, mouth agape.

"Yeah," I reply coolly, "just yesterday. I took my time with it and you're right, it wasn't hard at all. The prof said I was on the exact track he was looking for when I showed him this morning". My lies were surprising even me.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied my face, searching for a glimpse of untruth. "Well, what did you write for the main analysis of Justice Kirby then? Everyone I talked to is stuck there"

"Oh that, yeah that wasn't so bad, as I'm sure you found, but since the prof said I was write, I'd rather not go into it since you're not done your essay and I am. But come back and see me when you're ready and we can discuss it" I say, smiling and sweetly as I can while trying to stifle a laugh.

"Oh. Oh, well okay then. Yeah, we'll talk then" she falters, turning around and walking away with a quick glance over her shoulder.

Good thing she didn't catch me sticking my tongue out at her. Now about this damn paper...

Good Idea Bad Idea/Lessons Learned

2007-07-24T06:47:00.000-04:00

Good Idea: wearing the glasses your ophthalmologist recommended (over and over) and said would help you see better and for longer periods when working at the computer all day long.

Bad Idea: wearing the prescribed glasses all the time (because otherwise you'd forget them or lose them - yes, case and all) so that people walking by at a certain distance seem blurry but waving at them anyways because the blurred heads resemble someone you know.

Moral learned: do not wave at random strange guys who you think you know, but turn out to be that weirdo who tried to slip three of your friends his number...within the same hour at the same study table. Said weirdo will always try to make contact thereafter, leaving you confused, amused and annoyed whilst attempting to study for exams.

Good Idea: pre-ordering the latest and final Harry Potter book so you will not have to fight off 12 year olds on the day of release.

Bad Idea: Delaying the pick of up of the book on Saturday afternoon so that you get too busy to read the book, other than the first 80 pages (that you read on the bus while a friend chatted away), and then telling a new friend that she can borrow it for the evening because you will be going out for a friend's birthday and will fall asleep early when getting home. Even though new friend said she would return it the next morning, sometimes morning can mean 6:00pm Sunday evening...at which point you are working on assignments for that upcoming week.

Further Bad Idea: staying up throughout the night on Monday to finish Harry Potter so you can avoid running into people talking about the book and having to run (literally) the opposite way to keep from hearing parts you've not read.

Worse Idea: Staying up all night Monday to read Harry Potter (despite how good it is) and sleeping in until 12:10pm after you've actually finished when you have a group debate presentation to make in class starting at 12:00pm.

Shameful Idea: Pretending to be sick when you finally arrive in class to avoid getting beat down by classmates for being late.
(Hey..it's not like I could tell them why I was really late...and we did end up winning the debate...so, all was well.)

Moral Learned: All sacrifices are worth getting read the final Harry Potter book *sigh*

Under Construction

2007-07-18T13:17:00.000-04:00

So I've decided to rekindle the relationship with Blogger...only because I cannot get Wordpress set up the way I want (I'm an annoying perfectionist when it comes to the silliest things like setting up a blog..!). But maybe it's just my computer, but does everything load properly for everyone on here? Any dead links? Or ones I should add? Or delete...?

Any and all feedback is much appreciated (even if it's the anonymous kind...)

2007-07-15T05:49:00.000-04:00

One of the more difficult parts of living so far from home is that you tend to think life will remain the same for everyone you've left behind.

I may just be a very selfish person for thinking it, but I may have harboured some hope that I could come home anytime, and nothing nor no one would have changed or moved on. As if life back home stood still in time waiting for my arrival to start-up again.

Alas, this egocentric fantasy gets tainted for me every time the slightest thing happens back home and I'm not around to see it first-hand. Silly things like when my dad bought a new car last month, or my brother getting a new Macbook (how am I going to mess around with it from here!?). Then there are things like life events of friends - engagements, marriages and babies.

I know what others have told me is true. I will see everyone soon and hopefully get to enjoy other moments in their life and I'm after a certain goal so it's just a sacrifice.

But then there are times, like today, when there is a death in the family and while everyone is grieving together at home, I feel like I've been stranded and have no shoulder to lean on other than over the phone. That's probably the most self-absorbed thing to think - how I cannot grieve like everyone else. Rather than think of what my family is going through I'm being selfish.
I was away this past weekend in Sydney, touring and having fun. When I got back this morning and called home, no one told me what happened because I'd been sick and was exhausted from the trip. So I rambled on about inane things and didn't pick up why everyone sounded 'off'. Later in the evening (at home) my mom called to tell me. By this time pretty much all of our relatives and friends had found out. Somehow I became one of the last.

The relative who passed away lived in India, somewhere I've been dying to go since my last trip was when I was about 6 years old. I remember right before my sister was born, some eight and a half years ago, I was thinking about how time was going by so quickly and all these relatives I had in India who I barely remembered but who talk about me as if I was right there. Heavy thoughts for a 16 year old. Since we don't have any family in Canada, and not the big of a family anywhere else, I hoped always to meet my paternal grandparents as well as my maternal grandmother's only sister and her family.

A few weeks before my sister was born, my paternal grandfather passed away. He was always someone my dad spoke so highly of and endlessly about. I had hoped I'd get the chance to hear stories from him about my dad's childhood and his own. When I heard of his death, I grieved for the grandfather I had missed meeting and all my missed chances. Still all about me...

Today my maternal grandmother's only sister passed away. And after hearing so many things from my grandmother about her, I was looking forward to a trip to India to meet her. I feel like I've missed something again. Like there are these gaps in my life that I'd been wanting to fill and now, never can.

I still cry today at moments when I miss my mom's brother - he passed away a month before I was born. He and my mom, being only a year apart, were very close. I rememberRuby saying in a post of hers awhile ago that you cannot miss what you don't know. I've struggled with that for a long time since being a kid. I thought it was weird for me to miss someone I never even had the chance to meet. But I think when I hear about how happy and excited he was to have heard he was going to be an uncle, I think of all the moments in my life he would have been around for.

For some reason I miss my uncle more than my maternal grandfather, who passed away when I was 2. My aunt (mom's only other sibling) says I was lucky since I was the only grandchild on their side to meet him. I don't think 'lucky' is a fit word though. Maybe I feel more attached to him for that reason though.

Regardless of all of this, I cannot get over the selfish thoughts floating in my head. I should be more concerned for everyone else in the family and how they are dealing with the loss in our family today. Instead I keep thinking about my loss.

This is why the typewriter should be resurrected...

2007-07-07T08:48:00.000-04:00

I am now convinced that machines or electronics do not like me. That's right - somehow they have communicated with each other and formed a strong solidarity against me and my any attempt to remain at peace with them. If there ever were such machines as the ones in "War of the Worlds" - I'd be the first person they'd track down and obliterate.

There was my camera, which after falling in the sand on the beach for a MICRO-MILLISECOND decides to make a strange grinding/screeching/whining sound when I turn it on, after which it shuts off on its own. My cell phone thinks it would be kinda amusing to see what happens when it doesn't display missed calls - just so people who call think I'm not returning their calls on purpose. Then of course, the vending machine. Now, my printer is on the fritz and decided that about 20 minutes before my paper was due that it would just simply not work. No refusal to turn on. No noise. No flashing lights. Just. Won't. Print.

Yes I know I shouldn't have waited until the last minute, but this is the situation the whole class was in - because we couldn't figure out what the case, let alone the question about it, was about until the night before it was due.

So imagine yourself in this situation. It being about 3:41pm, essay being due at 4:00pm in the library drop box (which is a 5 minute speedwalk from your residence) and your printer is apathetic about doing it work. There's a series of reactions you would go through.

Blink once - "noooo....it can't be..?"
Take a deep breath of air - "oh pleasepleasepleasepleasepleeeeeease" - try the ever-popular "turn printer off and then on again" method. Still nothing.
"OH YOU HAVE GO TO BE KIDDING ME YOU STUPID PIECE OF $&@*(&)*U&)@*~!!!"
*BANG* "WORK DAMN YOU, WORK!!!!!!"

By this time it's about 3:46:37pm. Your spine is frozen from the sheer terror of having to turn in this paper late (which you put your blood, sweat and endless tears into). Still being in your pajamas you blindly grab at pieces of clothing in your closet, rip the cords from your laptop out and jam it into your backpack. Of course it is only logical that at this precise moment you also cannot find your keys that you need to lock your room because you've heard there was a theft on the floor above.

You run around your room throwing clothes and paper around trying to find the two keys attached by one lone yellow plastic keychain tag that just has your room number on it (which of course would be so helpful for any thief who could find them to know exactly which room to go to). And this is right after you removed that long BRIGHT coloured lanyard that you had on the keys because your keys were just getting too bulky, but which made them easier to spot.

Aaaand right after you think an eternity has passed, meaning just about 2 minutes, you find them behind the box of crackers you had been munching on all night to keep yourself sustained.

Grabbing the keys your run like a woman (or man) possessed out the door, managing to get your jacket caught in the door in the process. Down the steps, past the people trying to say "hello" to you and across the campus (of course, you did not get the residence that was next to the library).

Arriving at 3:55:49pm disheveled and and fear-ridden you open your laptop, try connecting to the wireless internet from your laptop...which takes longer than ever before to connect. Eventually it connect, you pull up your precious document, and click print send the print-job to the nearby printer.

Blood drains from your face when you think you've forgotten your student ID card that has money on it for your printing. A quick pat down reveals you did indeed stuff it into your jean pocket while searching for the keys.

You look up at the library full of people with 'triumph' written on your face. Then look over at the printer, ready to run over - there are 3 people lined up. 3:58:02pm.

You briefly consider yelling "FIRE!!!" to empty the place out, but refrain - it just may be frowned upon.

OH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE OF THE GIRLS WAS JUST STANDING THERE WITH HER FRIEND!!!! Whhyyyyy stand there and give the impression to poor, unsuspecting printer-wanters that you too are a printer-awaiter?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY WOMAN!?!?

You run up to the printer after the person in front of you steps away, swipe your card and click frantically. Thankfully the printer-gods have seemed to forgiven you because the printer spits out all your pages effortlessly. You grab the sheets, ~~run~~ walk briskly to the circulation desk, staple - wait, stapler broken, staple with Stapler #2 - and jam it into the drop box.

3:59:49pm.

Piece of cake.

Blog snob no more

2007-07-05T01:15:00.000-04:00

Hello peepz....I've replied to allll the comments you lovely people have made for the last three posts. Nothing spectacularly enlightening - no sonnets or speeches - but in case you asked a question and wanted the answer :)

Many, many "I'm soooo sorry" lines for not doing it sooner!

AKA Found and Lost

2007-07-04T10:19:00.000-04:00

"What's up?" asked an unsuspecting friend of mine.

What's up?! How could you simplify the past two weeks to answer that mundane question?

To counter the rumor mill (i.e. two people on Facebook), I did not convert to Hermit-ism and go into hiding under a bridge. My days have been spent

becoming fused to my laptop (due to extended use) at the wrists,
becoming in danger of carpal tunnel syndrome,
playing "what's that noise" with my sister on the phone (a game that consists of her playing different sounds over the phone from around the house and me periodically throwing out a random guess to keep her entertained, since she just started summer vacation, while I make notes or read) at 3:00am,
hallucinating that there is some sort of sheet flapping around in my room behind me when it's 5am and I am still typing away at a Contracts assignment.
getting freaked out a little and messaged a number of people on MSN to find out why Facebook was telling me that my account was unavailable. This is how sad the addiction has become and
Y'know how sometimes when you've done so many all-nighters in a row the week just seems like one reeeaalllyyy long day? Sorta like a whole season of the show 24? Yea...so I'm still assuming it's something like June 26th.
periodically trying to figure out Wordpress and wondering if I should make the move over...?
wondering what will happen in the last Harry Potter book due out in 17 days!!! (Yes, I've pre-ordered my copy at a bookstore here and I am prepared to elbow a kid in the head to make my way into the store at opening time to claim my copy. The kid should know better.)

Caution: Future Legal Minds At Work

G: "There's so many of these terms we have to remember..!! I'm going to start writing these down in alphabetical order with the meanings so over time I have them all"
Me: You mean...like the law dictionary you already have...?

I'm officially thinking, and working out, a switch to Wordpress. The main reason being the password protection option for posts. If any Blogger employees cross this - why oh why won't you add that feature!? Our relationship would be so much better if you would be so kind as to make this compromise.

AKA MIA

2007-06-21T23:13:00.000-04:00

Being about the 6th day that I've gone with about 4 hours of sleep I'm really not quite sure if I'm really typing this or imagining I have....I'll have to check later on about 4am when I'm actually 'awake'. But thought I'd let the inquiring mind know that I am indeed alive and well (depends on your definition of "well" actually), but being the middle of the semester the professors have some sort of collective vendetta against us and are slamming us with readings, assignments, negotiations and like the majority of students, I'm treading water - but that's law school for you.

I had started and then stopped writing a number of posts because I get side tracked so if I did post it you'd have half a story or anecdote, which may leave you to think I dozed off and posted something without knowing or my blog was hijacked.

Next week will is quite literally a week from hell so I will update and reply to comments (sooooooo sorry for not replying to ones from last post!!!! Promise will do it soon!) in a couple weeks after I've caught my breath. I know I've also been tagged in a few things (thank you, thank you so much for thinking of me...I've not forgotten!) so I will have a flurry of updates soon!

Til then my only means of communication with the world is through cryptic Facebook messages, one-sided MSN conversations (the other person being the one conversing that is...again, sorry!) and phone conversations where I'm trying to figure out Fardon v Attorney-General of State --- and explain to my mother that I am not mad at her, nor am I depressed or on drugs and 'yes' I have eaten.

On the same note, do forgive me for not commenting on your blogs, though I will tell you that I am updating myself on them during my lectures and other moments of time.

Hope everyone is happy and healthy.

AKA

When the Munchies Attack

2007-06-01T07:59:00.000-04:00

"It's 11:10pm and I'm hungry - ate an early dinner in the library and there's nothing in my room to snack on (mental note: do groceries for room). I'm going to have to resort to vending machine munchies.

"Where the hell is my wallet? DID I LEAVE IT IN THE LIBRARY!?!??! OH NOOOOOOOOO! I DID DIDN'T I!? And now it's CLOSED!! What am I going to do?? Call the Security office? No...the old Aussie men will look at me like I'm strange and laugh. But then I NEED my money! What the - oh here it is. (mental note 2: get a brighter coloured wallet so it does not camouflage itself inside my backpack)...

"Bag of chips costs HOW MUCH?! $1.80?? That is highway robbery! Student robbery. I'm setting up a petition - "Lower Cost of Vending Machine Snack for Starving Students", "LCVMSSS" for short (Mental note 3: find out who to complain to about ridiculously high junk food prices.). Need more change....must hunt through messy room...

15 minutes later...

"Okay, I've searched through coat pockets, drawers, purses, backpack, shoes, pants, makeup case, fridge (still don't know how I found a quarter in there last time...) and I only have...$1.25??? Oh God no....now what? One more search...

10 minutes later...

"So THAT'S where that hair clip went (mental note...some number...look under pillow for lost hair clips in the future). Still need $.55 ....I should give up and go to sleep. But I'm hungryyyyyyy. I miss mom. Mom would have food (mental note some number plus 1 - call mom).

"Must go to neighbour...hmmm it's 11:30pm, who'll be up? Loud Canadian-studying medicine guy? No...not him. Nice-girl-from-South-Africa? No I saw her while I went to the vending machine first on her way out for the night. OH! Giggly-Australian-business-law-girl! She's cool...yes!

2 minutes later...

"Aaaaand she's not home either. Great. Why does everyone have a life but me? Should I call a friend from another building...and embarrass myself for 55 cents? Nonononono....I have some dignity left at this point, despite searching my bathroom for change too..."

Just then my floor's RA came into sight from around the corner.

"YES!! YEEEEESSSSSS!!!! God Bless you Stephanie! May you always have exact change for every vending machine your eyes ever set on!"

Stephanie was more than happy to oblige and give me $0.55 so I skip down merrily to the vending machine and laughed in it's face...er, glass.

"Take that over-greedy chip makers of the world! TAKE THAT! I have arrived and with EXACT CHANGE! And here I am putting it in...making my selection aaaand- WHAT THE!?"

Chips were stuck in the little spinning arm that holds them in.

"Oh holy...I can't believe this. All that crazy searching...CURSE YOU MACHINE!!!"

Shaking it didn't help. The chips sat snug in their corner, innocently staring at me. Alright. I was defeated. Nothing could be done that wouldn't either label me an idiot so off to bed it was.

I got to my room and changed into pajamas and was folding up my jeans when a small "thud" sounded. My eyes glanced down at the carpet and lo' and behold - at $2 coin. I could've cried.

The New(er) and Improved(-ing) AKA

2007-05-28T09:20:00.000-04:00

It's a truth universally acknowledged that a person in search of a purpose will eventually come face to face with it just when they near give up hope.

Unfortunately, I have yet to come face to face with my purpose, and fortunately, I've yet to give up hope on it. I know it's a more 'romantic' notion, to think we have some meaningful purpose in our life to fulfill - something that makes it seem like we made a difference or at the very least will be remembered after we've passed.

Sitting here so far from home I've gained the perspective that though no one knows how long they will live, there are plenty of moments that we can grasp and flip upside down to change what we want in our lives. Not to say we have any true control - I'm a firm believer in destiny and we will travel down the path that God has intended for us. But we're fortunate that every day allows a new beginning to change what we did yesterday.

I sound like a sedated wannabe-poet. But, I actually have a point, somewhere.

I've always been a fairly shy person, just my nature. And having moved around so much in my life (count is now at 11 different places, and 10 different schools) I've developed a dependency on myself. I've never been one to ask others advice (not that I don't think they will help me or won't have anything of value to say) just because it seemed that by the time I trusted someone and gained their friendship, something would happen that got me to start all over. But then again, I've always been the eldest in my own household and my mom's side so I've been the one everyone else, including the elders, came to to get advice.

I'm also a believer in "everything happens for a reason".

Take VDGfor example. Sure, she's kooky, and no, I'm not sharing an apartment with her next term, but one of her better qualities is that she says what she wants, when she wants to. Though that may not be the best thing in certain situations, it's gotten her to criticize (not in a rude way) some characteristics of mine that I'd never thought about - such as my insistence on being as independent as possible. She pointed out that though it is a good quality, you need to learn to trust people and share your problems to help grow a friendship. I've actually struggled a long time with this, especially with a very good friend of mine who I'd get into arguments with when it was obvious I was upset, but wouldn't tell anyone why.

My thinking on it was that I shouldn't bother people with my problems and that no one would really care, so I need to take care of it on my own. But it does make sense the other way, doesn't it?

Another girl I met here has such a bright personality that she can (and does) go up to a group of strangers and start up a conversation and come back 15 minutes later having made friends with all of them (including adding them to MSN and Facebook - the blooming ground for friends...ha). I am in total awe of that. I could never imagine myself doing that - even if I knew one person within that group I'd still think twice (ok, thrice) about going up to them. "What if they look at me? And judge me?? And don't like me?! And find out that I am neurotic and strange and overly addicted to ER???"

But, having watched and talked to her made me realize that I could be missing out on making some great friends and that I do not have a Friendship Magnet that will attract unsuspecting potential-friends my way. I have to make the effort and go out in search of them and be more open.

Somehow people have got it in their head that I'm supposed to meet the love of my life down here (maybe they are just desperate to see me get married..!?) and although I have no idea whether that will happen, I can say that so far Australia is helping me grow into a better person.

The Uni Life

2007-05-24T00:21:00.000-04:00

[I'm still having trouble uploading all my picture - I wanted a website that would mass-upload them rather than having to select each file individually because I have so many pictures, so instead I've post a random selection of picture of my university campus. And yes, that's a real lake in the middle of the campus that stretches all around the suburbs. And no, people don't go swimming in it - there are bull sharks and those crazy jumping fish in there]

I'm now an official student at my univeristy - meaning I bought a sweatshirt with huge lettering. School pride, baby.

Thank you all so much for your encouraging words. I knew homesickness was going to be a factor in the first few weeks while being here, but can you blame me? I had to leave so many wonderful people behind. But no one said making this my home would happen overnight. Everyday you get a little more comfortable and the process is tough, but if I couldn't cope, I wouldn't have done it [got that Anonymous? Write it down if you need help remembering. And then check this out and learn a little something].

There are some who hide behind the label of "Anonymous" when speaking their mind, and then there are those who will stand up at a podium and shout it. Both are extremes but I envy the latter. I've met a couple people recently who are anything but shy about expressing themselves. It's interesting to watch but puzzling. I've never been able to say what I wanted when I wanted to say it. The moments tend to pass me by leaving only the aftertaste of the "shoulda, woulda, coulda". Though these types of people may get in trouble for what comes out of their mouth, my take is that at least they've said their mind and will deal with what they need to. On the other end of the spectrum there are the people-pleasers who need to be agreeable and maintain the peace and avoid confrontation - people like me.

I've never been able to deal with confrontation. I dread it, unless it's talking to a family member, in which case I'll make myself heard around the neighbourhood if I need to. But usually I'm one to let things slide and don't get upset over little things. So I have trouble understanding why people create such drama and have meltdowns when small things go wrong - getting the wrong entree in a restaurant, person not calling you back, someone who was late, why so-and-so is not talking to such-and-such over this-and-that. It's all just fluff to fill up our lives so why pay so much mind to it?!

It's known to be more of a ''girl'' trait - this over-obsessing and over-analyzing of little situations. Then talking about it with ten other people. Then figuring out why it happened. Then would should have happened. It's all too exhausting...

Basically it all boils down to this girl I met here let's call her TTM (Talks/Thinks Too Much). TTM seems to have met the whole campus in the last two weeks, including all the other Indian people (all from Canada...is there anywhere we don't travel in packs!?) so which automatically means the some sort of drama is soon to follow. And follow it did. Now TTM is telling me about how this guy said this to her and how she thinks that. About how she met someone who got her mad so she told him off but wants to stay friendly with him anyways (after which the questions started "should I be friendly?" "Why?", "Why not?", "He shouldn't have said what he said to me, right...right? RIGHT!?!?".

Chicks....sheesh! Where are all the sensible, fun, smart girls?! Like the ones who read this blog and the ones I know back home? Don't they come to Australia? TTM is nice and she's cool to hang around but if I get dragged into another "dramatic" situation, I will jump into the lake in front of our school which is said to have bull sharks. Trust me, it'd be worth it. I came all this way to escape that whole 'brown' scene that is so prevalent back home, but somehow landed smack into it without knowing it.

But Aussie is fun still. Aside from being a beautiful place you start to find so many people from all over the world on the campus. My neighbour to the left is from South Africa, and the one to the right is from Korea. Though the lecture halls average about 100-150 people, the tutorial sessions are broken down to groups of 10-15 people so you get to talk a lot more with people you may have otherwise passed by. People are friendly with others, although there are small cliques - which you can never escape - you get to hang around all sorts of people.

Here's the bad part - anyone who's travelled very far for university (meaning no weekend trips home) could tell you that life here is found to be in a bubble. You live, eat, sleep, learn all within the same grounds so one day seems to stretch on forever. You forget that you're even in a different country and surrounded by so much because everything around you quickly (took two weeks for me!) becomes normal. Although I didn't expect that the novelty of being in Australia would last forever, I'm already looking for escape routes to get off campus more because my trip home in August just seems too far away.

Life is so much so bubble-fied (bubble-ized?...Bubbly?) that I have no idea what to blog about now. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very happy and enjoying my work, but the routine settled in quicker than I thought it would! And now I fear I've become a boring person with no life on the outside world. Maybe I'm just in a blog-rut? Nothing really of substance to say but I'm still typing away, possibly to make some contact with the outside world!

P.S. I know it seems I'm complaining about people here, but those are just the two weirdos I've found (VDG and TTM) - soooo many others are perfectly normal and super great, but the weirdos are always more interesting.

P.P.S. The picture on the left is the view from my room - overlooks the lake.

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UPDATE: Okay, so I'm through feeling like I'm in a rut. Nobody other than myself can help me from feeling this way so I've decided to take some control and get more involved in campus life. I'm going to join the Student Council and some other clubs/organizations around school and meet people and have fun, dammit! I used to be pretty involved in undergrad, so why stop now, right?? And I set out to make the most of this experience and the "experience" won't come to me, so I'm going to "it". So THERE!

2007-05-20T00:09:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is about being here but I suddenly feel quiet old. And boderline desperate? I'm here for two years and I have this heavy feeling that when I arrive back home after finishing my degree, people at home will have moved on and settled into their own lives while I am still trying to find one.

I know that I'm here to do something good, and everyone is proud of me, but I can't help but feel a little lost. It doesn't help that many of the people here are 18 or so, just out high school and entering unversity to complete a LLB degree, while me, Miss Post-Graduate is in the "mature student" category.

Anyone who knows me that "mature" is the last label that I'd have attached to me. On that same note, people who do know me tend to think I'm a super-confident, brainy girl which I can't see myself being. I did take this big step and move here, and maybe I'm weird, but I didn't see that as monumental as entering my mid-20s. I'm hoplessly spiralling back into in a quarter-life crisis...

A friend told me I have to quit complaining because I was in Australia - to which I replied that Customs here didn't confiscate my right to feel sorry for myself and I didn't think I was exactly breaking a local law. Maybe I have problem with self-sorry-feeling, or maybe I'm just like everyone else. Why can't I just wallow in the yucky feeling sometimes? I have a right to wallow and wallow I shall.

I have no idea where I was going with this post but I did start out with a point...which has slowly seeped to the back of my mind. VDG is adamant on moving off campus next term and taking me with her. I have no clue what I want. Nothing new...I've always been indecisive and easy going to the point that sometimes I just don't know what was my decision and what was someone elses.

Maybe homesickness is starting to set in - it's been exactly a week since my family left and that I've been on campus. No matter how many lovely new people you meet, it doesn't substitute for family and friends back home right? Again, "friend" says that sure they miss me too, but that I'm in Australia, so I'm very lucky and shouldn't feel this way. Needless to say "friend" is now a blocked entity on MSN.

And I'm out of peanut butter...*sigh*

In and Around the Land Down Under

2007-05-16T19:43:00.000-04:00

After so much thought and planning, I've finally landed in my new home for the next two years!

It took a long time to get internet access because I came earlier than when school was to start (pre-planned) since my family was travelling with me and the place where we were all staying was going through some big change-over from dial-up to wireless so had no internet. Internet cafe just seemed pricey so I had to wait until school started to get myself set-up.

[picture on the left is of Sydney taken while I was on the plane]
Thank you again to everyone who had been so wonderful in sending messages all throughout!

I had a lot of things I wanted to write about so I'm just going to have to break it down for y'all (Aussie styles)

[picture above is of the city of Brisbane]

Food (most important)

There are SO many restaurants in this city, I wonder how any of them make money. The good things is you have an amazing variety of food - Traditional Western, Thai, Arab, Indian, Malay, Indonesian, Japanese, Morroccan, Chinese - you get the picture. And many of the places are halal so it's great selection.

As for grocery items, I found pretty much everything the same as back home as for selection, except that it's a little more expensive here, but only by a couple dollars or so. But pop/soda (whatever you prefer) is expensive here so has caused me to break my - albeit, bad - habit of drinking Coke everyday. A regular 2L bottle will run you around $4AUD while a case of 24 cans can be from $18-24AUD. So, water it is (bottles also slightly more expensive but will have to do).

[picture on the right is of my dorm room (there's more to it, I promise, just can't see it because it's around the corner...)]

On campus there's a fair bit of selection - I never went to a university that had meal plans or anything so I don't know how it's supposed to be, but it seems fairly good in variety and taste. Since I am living on campus I have a meal plan, but my lovely parents got my a fridge and microwave so I can store things like cereal, bread etc in my room.

[picture on the right is the sunrise as seen from my family's hotel]

Transportation

I haven't seen as many bigger luxury cars here (your standard BMW, Benz etc) but they're still around. A lot more Toyotas and Hyundai cars with most of them being smaller hatch-backs or mid-size cars. You'll still see lots of SUVs and 4x4, but not as many as in Toronto I think.

Buses are clean and affordable - much more so than the TTC I think, but I never depended on that too much so I may be wrong. There are also many trains, but no subway system - which I believe can't be done because I think there are earthquakes here...?

[picture on the left is the beach in front of my parents' hotel]

People

Despite the reputation of being a more "racist" country, the people here have been nothing but welcoming and nice all around. They generally seem to have the same mannerisms as Canadians (they say their "please" and "thank you") and are talkative.

There isn't a huge deal of diversity where I'm living (but then again, I live in a city thats probably 60-70% Indian so I'm used to seeing that and other cultures) but still many people of various backgrounds.

People are very laid back here - flip flops are national dress code, but many people walk around barefoot everywhere in malls, outside etc (maybe it's where Britney Spears picked it up?). But girls are always dressed casual, but also dressed up, if that makes sense. The latest of every style is adorned by women of all ages. Men are also casual, t-shirt, shorts, flip flops. But with gorgeous weather there's nothing else you really need.

Social Life

I haven't really caught on to the social scene here because I've been trapped in the bubble of university life (which I've never experienced having lived at home during undergrad and off campus while in Michigan). But there are LOTS of shopping centres here - all with and outdoor/indoor style so you get to be outside with the stores. The pictures below show some of it. There are tons and tons and TONS of clothing and shoe stores which puts me in a very dangerous place. So tempting, but no money...what's a girl to do!?!?! They have a lot of the big store names like we have in North America - Target, K Mart, Toys R Us and Tandy (which became Radio Shack in Canada, which is now The Source by Circuit City) so getting things for my room has been easy enough.

I really am enjoying myself here for the most part. My classes started this week so I'm back to the books and have been busy otherwise setting up my dorm room and meeting new people and exploring my new home away from home.

My family, who came here with me, got back home this past week but because I've kept busy I haven't been overly homesick. Though once my family left I did sit in my room just wondering how it is that I ended up all the way here...this time last year I was getting ready for Michigan!

[The picture on the left is of my dad and sister on the beach]

I'm sorry for the late post but the internet itself took awhile to get set-up and then everything else. I've been updating myself on everyone else's blogs as much as I can - though it's only been about 2 weeks or so, I feel so out of touch with everyone.

Hope you're all doing well.

P.S. VDG has actually mellowed out and become a very sweet and fun girl. Since she was the only person I knew when I got here we hung around together and she turns out to be quite the social butterfly so has managed to meet a lot of people which she has made a point to introduce me too so it's been fun getting to know her and others around campus.

P.P.S. Flickr is having many issues and won't upload all my pictures so I will try another way of getting around it soon...the ones above are just a few of them

Ramblings of a Weary Traveller...

2007-05-02T21:23:00.000-04:00

It's 9:02pm on Wednesday May 02 here in Australia...

At least, that's what I think I am...I hope I am...

It should be 7:02pm on Tuesday night back home...

My brain is mush and the sunlight pouring into the airport terminal where I am waiting for a (domestic) connecting flight has caused me to wear sunglasses indoors. And I don't wear sunglasses indoors.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be eating breakfast or dinner, all I know is that I'm having trouble understand how I managed eat to the so called "food" served in the plane.

21+ hours of flight time with about another 1+ hour to go...WHY HAVEN'T THEY INVENTED A SUPER FAST JET TO GO FROM TORONTO TO HERE YET!? HOW CAN PEOPLE POSSIBLY TAKE THIS MUCH AIRPLANE TIME!?!?!?!??!

This 'ish is bananas people...B-A-N-A-ANAY-S

To illustrate the inaneness that is the state of my mind the following happened while waiting in San Francisco to take our direct (15 hour) flight to here:

Me: "Wow...look at all those tiny lights down there. They look so small and pretty! But why don't we see any cars or houses..!?"
Brother (still in a respectable state of mind): "Umm...those are the lights on the jetway - we haven't even taken off yet..."
Me: "Oh..."

********************************************

Me: OH THANK GOD! There's only one more hour on this flight!! YAAAAAAAAA-
Passing by Flight Attendant who smiles too much and looks like a Ken doll in his mid 30s: No, actually there about 2.5 hours more to go...
Me: AAAAAAAAAAYYY - Wait what?! Oh Holy God no...

********************************************
Mom: Why don't you go to sleep for a bit?
Me: Kind hard with M's (my sister) foot in my rib and the bright movie screen glaring in my face.

********************************************

So far in the airport I've seen a Krispy Kreme, McDonald's, Hertz and Budget car rental, heard on the airport shuttle talk radio about Muslim terrorists, children being abducted by their father, health system problems, high homicide rates.

Feels like I never left home...

Hope you're all having a lovely day.

I'm not complaing - the weather is beautiful and I saw a real live palm tree...and I'm thrilled to finally be here in the country, though still not at my final destination, but I'm just insanely tired and need to decompress. I can't take my shoes off one more time and walk through airport security only be told to stand there until they scan me over. Nor can I be told again that my father's name has caused there to be a security alert on "the system" (happened only in Toronto). And with the number of bags, adults and an 8-year old to keep together, I had no time to take pictures of any airports or anything yet. But will soon...just can't remember where the heck I put the stupid camera....

A few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock

2007-04-30T12:27:00.000-04:00

04/28/2007 11:41pm - I AM PACKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing worse than having to stuff your life into a 4 tiny suitcases, each at 50lb. But I am, at last, DONE!

04/30/2007 12:20pm

There have been fleeting moments where I was sitting amongst some form of chaos - whether it be my clothes or a mess of paperwork or holding the line for the millionth minute on the phone - where I wonder what I got myself into.

There have been other moments - when I received email full of kind words, new friends wishing me luck and offering support like they'd been around when I was in diapers, and old friends with bittersweet tone of voice saying they will miss me but want me to do well - where I cannot believe I am so lucky.

Today is the day my peeps. I take off for my Aussie adventure in mere hours from now!

I know I got to thank some people in person, but again, I can't thank you enough for all the wonderful, kind words of support, encouragement and love.

And, again, I promise I will put up as many pictures as I can possibly take and give you oodles of detail. Til then, take care and be good.

- AKA

P.S. About the title of this post...well you'll have to Google it to find out the meaning, but apparently it's a saying there...?

This Time in Our World...

2007-04-29T12:42:00.000-04:00

It's a bad time to be alive in the world...

Families eat infront of the TV or alone
Wars are being faught in different parts of the world under false pretenses or judgements
Media has never had more power or been more biased
The gap between the rich and the poor is growing at an exponential rate
Some countries have a disturbing excess of food to the point where they get diseases and die from eating too much; other countries have drought and no sources of food to the point where they are dying of starvation and dehydration
Natural, non-renewable resources are depleting at an alarming rate, yet very few understand the danger or care to do anything about it
Third World Debt will never be forgiven
The World Bank and the IMF rule the world, in one way or another
Young people are in more of a rush to be older; old people are cutting themselves up to be younger
Lindsay Lohan's antics make the cover of a newspaper more often than apartheid in Africa

It's a good time to be alive in the world...

There are advances in medicine that are able to treat and cure many old diseases
Global communication is as easy as visiting a neighbour
there are better solutions being found to create a sustainable environment on earth
More and more women are being respected as equal counterparts and given opportunities to lead
There is more tolerance and increased accessibility of and for minority groups, including those with special needs
Education is slowly become more accessible for the poor with school opening up in small villages with the help of NGOs
Systems like the Grameen bank and other grassroot projects are at an increase
Though mainstream media has become a source for propaganda, thanks to satellites and Internet, people can seek different sources of media publications throughout the world
Economies of Second World countries are strengthening

On either hand...

Jobs are being exported from the West to the East - countries in the West, such as Canada and the US still need their middle class jobs to sustain their economy, but the jobs are being sent to countries with larger populations and where people are in more dire need for money
Getting a divorce can now cost as little as $300 - it's accessible to the poor who may need to get out of an abusive relationship, but makes divorce an easy way out of marriage for anyone
Banks offer more security and an insurance for your money from being eroded by inflation, but at ridiculous fees and rates.
People are seeking to have more post-secondary education to get better jobs, but leave school with the highest amount of student debt seen in a decade

I didn't write this all to especially show a depressing or optimistic side to life in particular, but it was just something running through my head, and since I don't usually take a more serious tone on my blog, I thought this would be a change...a little less "self-involved", you could say (right Anonymous?). Feel free to add your own.

Up, up and away...

2007-04-26T16:43:00.000-04:00

SA: "hey, what would you call yourself if you were a superhero?"

AKA: "'If'? Hahahahahaha"

SA: "Yeah, whatever...c'mon, what would it be?"

AKA: "Hmmm...Indecisive Girl"

SA: "Whaaat?!"

AKA: "Indecisive Girl"

SA: "How could you save the world with the power to not be able to make decisions!?"

AKA: "Well, I'd throw in a couple other things like super-human-strength, and maybe a spidey-sense sorta thing, but mainly I'd throw all sorts of confusing questions and options at the bad guy so he'd become all disoriented and can't figure out what he wants and THEN I will attack!"

SA: "Uh..huh...."

AKA: "Why? What would yours be?"

SA: "I was referring to something like on the show Heroes. Y'know, invisibility, being
indestructible, flying etc..."

AKA: "Oh...well those are good too...I guess"

Ruby's interview...

Ruby had a nice little interview game where she gets to ask me questions and then I pass it along:

1) To graduate law school in Aus you're required to either: adopt a kangaroo or a koala...which do you pick?

Definitely a koala. We have a long history together. I've always loved them - they're cute and innocent looking on the outside, but they are vicious and will attack when needed - (sorta) just like me! I did a very long report about them in 6th grade and was selected to do a speech on behalf of our class and got the best grade. And then I had this toy koala that my dad gave me which was my favourite stuffed toy of all...and then my mom accidentally gave him away...heartbroken ever since, so hoping for the real thing.

2) Of all your purses which one would you be miserable without?

No, no, no...I can't pick sides - the others will be mad at me. And am as bad as a rich playboy when it comes to purses, there's always a nice new one that comes along. BUT if I had to choose it'd be my lovely black and cream striped clutch. Would you like a picture? :D

3) Now that we've seen Johnny, who would you next like to see in concert?

I'd love to see U2 (first pick) and Coldplay.

4) Second Cup or Starbucks?

Second cup for coffee and Italian sodas, Starbuck for frozen drinks (light ice Passion Tea Lemonade, please! Or, light Caramel Macchiato Blended Frappacino, merci) and the blueberry-white-chocolate scones...and chocolate chip cookies...and oatmeal.

5) If you could see any one day in the future, just for an hour, and just as an observer what day would you choose?

Okay, so you forgot the last question Ruby, but you came back with a great one! At first I thought of my own graduation day, but I don't want to ruin that. Then I thought of the day I will die, but no one should see that.

I've settled on choosing to observe my first child's wedding day - I could see who I'm still friends with then, how they've aged, see my other kids, maybe get an idea how much money I'll need to start saving from now for this possibly lavish wedding. Whether I need to start using anti-wrinkle cream soon...whether people liked the food. You know, the basics. I can't think of any huge important day in politics or society so I'm going to be selfish on this one.

********************************************************

The rules to pass along:
- Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me!"
- I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. *I* get to pick them, and you have to answer them all. - You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
- You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
- When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
********************************************************

The Inner (and Outer) Monologue of a Confused Suitcase-Packer

2007-04-24T20:20:00.000-04:00

"Alright...no one needs to know that you only have one full suitcase packed. There's plenty of time for packing, right? SURE! There's one whole week! Well...down to 5 days, but nothing to do in those 5 days so I'm free to take my time."

"Start with purses...ha, this will be easy! I have only a few favourites to take along....hmm, so I'll need a black one, obviously."

"Hmm...I sure do have more black purses than I remembered...there's this large one...oh yeeaah! And this other large one. Hm, guess I wouldn't have bought that last one had I remembered this one. Well I guess I could use both right? Afterall, they are different styles. Oh - a large brown one? What? Oh riiiight....someone commented I looked like a bag lady with it so I stopped carrying it. HAHAHAHAHAHA...bag lady, guess I sort of am..."

"...Ok, move on. Three small black ones...? What the?! Well this one is more a medium than a small, which would be convenient for all-round use. OK that's a go. And now two small ones. One's all sequin-y the other is plain. What if I'm in a sequin mood? Better take both..."

"This bluey-green one...what was I thinking? I guess I could leave it. And this purple. Ebay. Oh and the green one...another eBay. Hey this silver one was a gift...well no...I told my mom it was a gift so she wouldn't think I bought another one. Well all these coloured ones will come in handy, might as well throw them in too."

"This one is more a shoulder-school bag than a handbag. It may be useful. Oh plus my laptop bag. And my backpack. Hey where'd this little colourful bag come from? Hmm, it could go with a variety of things. Ooohhh and my white one! I love this one, this is a must-take too..."

Me: "Mom, which is nicer? This light blue or dark blue sweater?"
Mom: "They're the same"
Me: "The same style. I bought them in different colours, but can't decide which to take"
Mom: "They're both nice."
Me: "Which is nicer?"
Mom: "They are both nice. You're the one who spent so much money on all this stuff that you never wear but keep spending, spending, spending like that money is given to you from a rich chacha [uncle]! I mean look at all this stuff, it's everywhere and you keep pulling out more! Why can't you be more like -"
Me: "Moooooommmmmm pleeease! Which ONE!?"
Mom: "Take them both..."
Me: "Well...okay...that's what you said for the last three"
Mom: "Told you not get so much stuff"

*************************************

Me: "MOM! WHERE'S MY BLACK PANTS?!"
Mom: "With your black suit"
Me: "No, those are the suit pants, I mean my regular black pants!"
Mom: "The pinstripes?"
Me: "Noooooo, plain! Regular! PLAIN BLACK!"
Mom: "In the laundry?"
Me: "I did the laundry and brought them upstairs...!"
Mom: "Maybe you packed them already! Check that suitcase"
Me: "It's NOT in a suitcase already, I unpacked all the ones you packed, I'd have seen it there. I check everywhere I could think of!!"
Mom: "Check your brother's room"
Me: "Why would they be there?!"
Mom: "Did you check?"
Me: "But why....."
...few moments later...
Me: "WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE!?!?!"
Mom: "Told you so"

Very Detailed Girl says:
what did you take? like what kind of shoes
AKA says:
I have a couple dressy shoes, flats and sneakers
Very Detailed Girl says:
nice!! so i decided ot tke two pairs of black dress shoes, one with heels, one without, that will go with all
Very Detailed Girl says:
i am taking 1 pair of gym shoes
Very Detailed Girl says:
then 6 flats..3 are more dressy than the other 3 which are more bright. kind of the Indian style shoes, you know?
Very Detailed Girl says:
5 flipflops...blue, grey, white, black, pink
Very Detailed Girl says:
and then 3-4 sandels...grey, white and black
Very Detailed Girl says:
fyi - fliflops are very expensive there, you should buy them here
AKA:
brb

AKA appears to be offline. Messages you send will be delivered when they sign in. E-mail this contact instead

2007-04-23T17:15:00.000-04:00

Webcams, adapters, and flash drives, oh my!

Just when you realize you don't have a penny to throw into a fountain to make a wish you find yourself needing to spend money everywhere!

I'm not a technology-challenged person. I'm usually the one setting up and fixing the gadgets at home and work. But when you're actually trying to find a product to purchase, it's near impossible to narrow down the selection!

I'd been advised to get a whole mess of things before starting school. My big purchases last year were my iPod and my laptop, debts that I still have yet to get over. I have no idea what kind of webcam is good, if I should even buy one or wait, is a laptop sized one good enough, or if I can get a pack of 2 for myself and my family...? These are the questions that burn within...sadly...

While going through all these thing in preparation for my trip, I've been fortunate to realize the true people who care about me. On the one hand I have people who suddenly called me up out of the blue after a year or so to ask about my trip and then slowly drop that they wanted to know if I could take a care package down with me for their cousin's fiance who's also going to the same school. Or the family friends who have also failed to mention or call me but then feel it's necessary to call our family over, then guilt me into staying because they won't see me for such a long time (it'd been 8 months since I'd seen them anyways) and then proceed to talk to my dad only about some mortgage and real estate needs they have.

Then, on the other had, I have people who have dropped their own plans to make sure they get to see me in anyway possible before I leave just to say "goodbye" in person. One such person I met in Michigan and was probably the only person I really got be close with. She came home after exams Sunday night (she hadn't been home in about 3 months herself), met up with me last night, and flew out for to London for a vacation this morning at 6am. Then I have another who is sick with some crazy mutant form of a virus and is still calling me to see if she can come visit from the city. And then there are the lovely ladies (one's a gem the other a very tasty Indian snack...)I met through this blog who are breaking my heart because I only got to meet them now right before I left and won't get to spend any more time with them.

With our busy lifestyles it's hard to find the time to talk to everyone we want. Things like MSN and Facebook help to keep up the lost connection but nothing will tell you more about a person than how they step up to the plate when you most need them. I am quite literally beside myself in awe with the number of people who have showed real concern and support over my leaving. I never thought I was this fortunate, but I've been proven wrong.

There's exactly 1 week left (and I mean exact...my flight leave at this time next Monday!) and thank God that all my issues are slowly working out for me.

Just don't ask about my packing progress...

If you are feeling sad or depressed around this time, all you have to do is go see a Raptors game with a hardcore fanatic. Had you been around the ACC like I was this past Saturday, their long, beaten, and tear-stained faces would have pretty much got you to see that you couldn't possibly be feeling as bad as these fans after the loss to the Nets (CURSE YOU VINCE CARTER!!!!!)

OR, if when they win Tuesday night, you will get so caught up in the elated joy in the aftermath that you will pretty much forget what your own problem was to begin with.

Either way, there is no way we are losing to the Nets. No. Way. It's like a city-wide pride thing. And we CANNOT let a person like Vince Carter take it away. No pressure boys

.

Update

2007-04-20T00:23:00.000-04:00

Now I remember what I'd forgotten to write in my last post - I had to see a specific authorized doctor for a medical exam for my Aussie student visa and pay another big chunk of money for. The doctor himself was really quite nice, but, of course, he sent the wrong chest film into the Australian High Commission. And as well, kindly made no mention of it so that for weeks I kept calling him and looking up the status of my documents online. Finally I got a call back explaining what happened and that he'd now sent the right ones in. I tried contacting someone at the AHC but no response. BUT thankfully, it came back approved online...just been waiting for the papers....

After giving up every crumb of hope on my peeps from the homeland at the various Travelocity call centres, I went down to the airport myself to see an agent at the airline ticketing counter.

20 minutes later I walked out of there with a fresh new printed ticket in hand, and only $200US less in my pocket for the change I made.

So where were the Travelocity people pulling out the additional $1000 sum from if the SAME AIRLINE counter woman was able to do it for just the change fee? I don't want to name the specific bodily region where I believe these numbers were pulled from, as I am a very nice girl who refrains from such speech when possible, but I suspect you are able to guess?

So I have crossed said problem off the list. And to celebrate I made gigantic half-vanilla-half -chocolate-chocolate-chip cupcakes with my little sis.

OSAP - you are offically ON NOTICE. I am coming for you...muahahahahaha....*ahem*

(Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the kind words and support...a good friend of mine kind of gave me wise and wonderful advice on how to overcome being stressed [i.e. he basically told me to stop whining] and I'm attempting to meet all these challenges head on. So far, it's working..!)

It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

2007-04-18T19:42:00.000-04:00

***Warning: The following is a whiny, anger-filled, dripping-with-sarcasm rant about the tragic unfairness of life...and travel websites. Proceed with caution***

It was soooo super nice of OSAP to up and cancel my loan application last week without informing me. Apparently the brainiacs that run the place thought it was possible, and logical, for me to attend two law schools in two different continents at the same time.

SURE! Why not? Sounds like a fun commute, doesn't it? And hey, I've always wanted to pay double tuition! Who wouldn't!?

Despite sending in all sorts of confirmations of enrolling in my new school, they thought I was still enrolled in school in Michigan and cancelled my application without any notice. My last loan ran from Sept. 06 through April 07. New one was to start in May. So though the term of the loan didn't overlap and the Aussie school sent confirmation that I was a real person about to attend their school, OSAP though it would be a fun game to just hit the "Cancel" button on me and wait for me to find out on my own. After calling them they said I need a letter to be sent from my old school. Sure, they only move as fast as a turtle with a broken hip in quicksand.

Awesome.

The other loan funding source I have, based in the US also has put my loan application on hold. Must be some sort of conspiracy. But no, they say my father has had less than a year of credit history. Well, yeaaaaahhh since he's been a citizen in the country for just 30+ years, he only bothered to go out and get a credit card last week. Silly dad. I'm sure, since the same loan people took about 5 months to fund my last loan, this will all get sorted out quickly.

Double awesome!

Rocky, who is a customer service agent for Travelocity.com kindly informed me that instead of paying $100 to change my return ticket date, I will actually have to pay $1200US. WOW. Just, plain...wow. I mean, all this time I was wondering what I would do with all this extra cash lying around! I mean especially with all these loan companies practically throwing their money at me from every angle!

Rocky says that since it's an international flight I must pay $230 administration fee (Ohhhh is that what they call pushing the key on the computer now? Damn it...I'm so stupid!) and then the difference in the ticket from the time I originally purchased mine to what the ticket is at now. That is sooooooooooo cool that I have frostbite!

But wait - is this the SAME Travelocity.com that is so smart that they POST their prices in Canadian dollars ("CAD") but CHARGED me in US dollars! Whoa...I'm getting a headache with all this smooth and unflawed company!

Wait, wait WAIT! This is the SAME Travelocity.com that posts LOWER prices than their Travelocity.CA website for the EXACT SAME FLIGHT, even after converting the price!? NO WAY DUDE!!!!

Hold the phone! Oh no, I mean that's what I did a lot of...

[After holding 40 minutes]

Call #1 - Anita in Mumbai
Anita told me that I would pay exactly the price AND currency on the website. Really Anita? Honestly honey, I believe you, but would you be a dear and check with your supervisor - because hey, I don't want to book and pay only to find out different right? Oh you'll put me on hold? Half an hour you say? No problemo. Anything for you babe. What's that you say? Your supervisor confirmed this? Ohhh and since I haven't yet booked the flight you cannot put a comment on my file even though I registered on your website and you can see my account? What call centre are you at? Mumbai? No way! That's cool. Ok, no worries, I understand I'll go ahead and book.

[That evening...after holding 45 minutes]

Call #2 - Nick in New Delhi
Heyyyyy Nickyyyyyyyyyyyyy...'sup homeboy! Well see here dude, I called and spoke to Anita - you don't know her? You're in New Delhi? Hey it's ok, she's all the way in Bollywood-land! So here's the dilly...I FINALLY found an awesome price for tickets, since I'm buying 5 I need a good deal and you guys are the only ones offering a low price. I called my girl 'Nita who said I'll pay $7--- Canadian because that's what your site quoted. She totally confirmed it for me too. But now as I'm going to put my credit card info in, you're website STILL says $7---CAD but above it says prices in U.S. dollars. What gives? What? Put me on hold? Wait for a manager? Well...ok, but you know last time I got cut -

[15 minutes later] This recording is annoying. Where's Nick? Maybe he's still helping me...I'll just wait...

[40 minutes later] It's almost like he forgot about me...ha! He wouldn't do that...right? I mean--

@$&U%)&amp;amp;(#*%&*)#%&)*I JUST GOT CUT OFF!?!?!?!??!?!*%*@(&%&#)!!(*$_#+$%

My mom: "Beta, just call another travel agency, or website, it'll be fine. Don't waste your time"
Me: "NO! They SAID I will pay Canadian dollars. AND making me pay otherwise is FALSE REPRESENTATION. A lie. They CANNOT do business like that. They're the cheapest ones out there for this flight - I've checked EVERY OTHER WEBSITE and travel agency - and I will pay the price on the site but in CANADIAN dollars as PROMISED!!!!!I'm calling back...

[50 minutes later]

Call #3 - Rick and Nick in Mumbai
Rick: "Welcome to Travelocity, this is Rick, how may I help you?"
Me: "Rick?" (I bet it's short for Rakesh...)
Rick: "Yes"
Me: "Ok, listen. Before I start yelling at you and messing up your day. Get me a manager. NOW. No, you will not put me on hold, I've been put on hold twice and got cut off twice. You will need to sit there and get a manager to come to YOU. And I am not holding for more than 1 minute, do you understand me?"
Rick: "...uh, yes ma'am. Please wait ma'am. I'm not going anywhere ma'am. I just have to pause the line ma'am, to get a manager ma'am, ok?"
Me: "Yeah you do that"

[1 minute later]

Nick: "Hello this is Nick here"
Me: "NICK?! Are you in the New Delhi call centre..?!"
Nick: "No ma'am, Mumbai"
Me: "So I'll have to explain this all over again...great..."

[10 minutes later]

Nick: "Let me put you on hold and check this out. I will need to call my support line. I checked the website and you are right. I'll take down your number, just in case we get disconnected, but hold please."
Me: "....yeah ok..."

[30 minutes of holding] Nick says he will call me back....

[another 45 minutes later]

Nick: "It's a glitch in our system ma'am. I'm very sorry about that but the pricing is in Canadian dollars for some reason, even when I access the site here. But it is US dollars you would pay."
Me: "So there's nothing you can do? After all this horrible service? You're company won't help me? You're company offers a higher price to Canadian residents for the exact same flight [same flight number, time, airline etc] than US? So why would I bother with the Canadian site?"
Nick: I'll email you a $100 credit for the next time you book a flight with us to be used for a hotel or car rental. That's all I can do.
Me: "Ok, seems I have no choice. Please send it. I appreciate everything you've done for me. I'm sorry for being so frustrated"
Nick: "It's ok, I understand. I will send it, and you should get it with 48 hours"

Needless to say, I did NOT get the promised credit. A call back to the Mumbai call centre lead me to discover there are several "Nicks" and many different shifts. No way to trace him. SUPER!

Fast forward to now and my coversation with Rocky from don't-know-don't-care and the $1200 charge.

I'm really over-flowing with all this joy. It brings me to tears...literally...

Did I mention that my mom packed much of my stuff while half-asking me and now I only have three-quarters of suitcase space left while having a suitcase full worth of things to put in? Since the airline only allows a suitcase size of 60-inches and 50lb weight, I either shell out for a new case, or pay overage.

The Very Detailed Girl (VDG) also has had time to email a list of items she will be bringing...and has asked that I do the same so we can compare notes. Woo......hooooooooooooooo!

Yes, I realize I have my health, my family, friends, chocolate and a warm forecast for the weekend, but what's your point?

Two weeks and counting...

2007-04-16T08:42:00.000-04:00

Calling all super-organized and time-conscious people:

Need help with packing for a two-year trip within two week time period. Inquire within.

So I met a girl who will be starting school with me in a couple weeks. I met her through my classmate from undergrad who is already there. And upfront, I will say that she is a really nice person, pretty outgoing and very, very detailed. Very.

Our first meeting was at Tim Horton's. I thought it would be just a casual chat about ourseleves, how our application process has been, and what special things we'll be taking with us. It was surely all that, but then some more.

For starters she brought a laptop - ok, fine, cool - she thought it'd be a good idea to take notes or look up things she has saved etc. Smart.

Then came the spreadsheets on Excel - how much money she spent on tuition, postage, the annual interest rate on her mother's credit card that her tuition and other expenses were charged on calculated daily, the amount of interest her savings account and term deposits in the bank were earning...you get the idea.

After that she asked what I was bringing. Alright, also fine, a seemingly general question, right? I ticked off a list of items : regular everyday clothes, business suit (for mock trial), desk lamp, couple electrical outlet adapters, toilettries. That was all that I had remembered (which was not yet packed).

Then I asked her.

She owns 5 cardigans, but will bring only 4: white, black, beige ("well, not beige, but more like a wheat colour, a light wheat colour"), and green ("a forest green, like pine"); 7 pairs of jeans (Guess, Seven, and Gap were the brands mentioned, I believe); 3 skirts (that come just to the knee - floral and solid colours).

And so the list went. When the question came to how many bras and things I'm bringing, I about tuned out.

Again - she's reeeaaallly nice. A genuine person who I guess you could say is refreshingly open and honest. Not seen in people. She just threw me for a bit because I didn't expect that level of...meticulous-ness? I have no idea how many cardigans or anything I own (so am apt to buy things in repeat designs, at times, but this is besides the point).

But, unbeknownst to me, I gave her the impression that I was a shy and wallflower type of person. I can be shy, but just depends on the situation. I do have an issue with being too self-conscious, but we all have a bit of that, don't we? So with all this in mind, she started to give me advice on how I should use this time to branch out and try to meet new people and that it was ok to dress up and put on jewelry now and then. That I should be more confident. That wearing tank tops and skirts would be ok because I should try to be more "open to new things".

I was a bit flabbergasted at all this. As the eldest in the family (siblings and maternal-side cousins included) I'm used to giving advice and pep talks to others. I've never been on the receiving end like this especially from a perpetual stranger...! I had no clue what to say so I made attempts to clarify that I was not a wallflower and had I been such, I wouldn't be making this huge trip across the world! I've lived on my own for a bit, and lived in different counties. I'm not afraid of speaking up when I need to. And, above all, I am not afraid to be open to new things but I will not compromise my beliefs and current way of living to do it.

I know she didn't mean any of this in a insulting way at all. She was trying to be nice and encouraging with her tone, but in my mind I was laughing because this person had no idea what I was like (since she'd only known me for an hour). People who read my blog know me better than she did at this point..!

Is it just me, or would anyone else be uncomfortable with this? Just a tad? Call me crazy (actually that name was reserved for the last post), but I'd like to have at least meet you more than once (or at least be reading your blog for awhile...ha!) before I even think about discussing undergarments, past relationships and how much money I have in the bank.

"If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters" - Jim Davis

2007-04-14T00:05:00.000-04:00

It's not that I normally can't wake up early in the mornings, I've done so plenty of times for work and school, prayer etc. But when I've been up 'til 3am trying to register for classes and figure out all sorts of other school details which has left me frazzled, I an not the person you want to drive you anywhere, let alone speak to anyone.

Such is what my brother learned last weekend.

While blissfully in a deep slumber, I'm awokened by a really annoying "Baji [meaning "sister" in Urdu]baji, baji,...baajiii...BAJI.....BAJI!"

My right eye slowly opens and sees my brothers tall figure looming in the doorway.

"Hmmm?"

"You need to drop me to work, we need to leave in about 10 minutes. BAJI!!!"

My right eye moves to the sidetable digital clock. It's bright red numbers show "6:19AM". HA, kid must be crazy. Must've gotten up an hour earlier and now thinks he'll get me to drive him all the way to work. HA! Just pretend you didn't hear anything...

Didn't work. He's now shaking my shoulder, "Baji, seriously. I need someone to drop me to work now"

I knew this - my parents had assigned this duty to me the night before but in that state of mind I thought that if I ignored him long enough he would magically *poof* away. But then my mind slowly realized the verbal bashing I would get had my brother decided to wake my dad up instead and I had to chuck my plan out and relent. "FINE. I. AM. UP. OKAY!? Why can't you get a normal-hour-of-the-day job like normal people?"

My grumbling went unnoticed as he was already out of the room.

I somehow made it out the door and into the chilly car with the right clothes on and started towards his workplace. The ride itself was uneventful. My sleepy state didn't fade away and during the ride I did find myself talking nonsense and laughing at myself.

Solution? Coffee. Tim Horton's coffee. I turn into the first drive-thru I see and pull up to the intercom.

"Can I help you?" comes a half-bored and annoyed voice.

"Uh yeah, can I get a - wait, what do you want?" I say turning to my brother

"What?" says the intercom voice

"What? No - wait..hold on..." I say, turning back and forth from the intercom to my brother

"Medium, one milk, one sweetner" says my brother

"What? Sweetner?" Eww..

"Sorry?" says the intercom, impatience growing in the static-ridden voice.

"One medium, one sweetner, one milk - no wait, what was it? One milk, one sweetner. Oh and a medium, no, large, double-double"

"Is that all?"

"Uhhh....no, I mean yes"

"Okay total is $2.65. Drive through."

Pulling out a $5 bill out of my purse I roll up to the window. The expression of the girl at the window matches the intercom voice exactly.

Now this is the point where the drama went down. Either I suddenly blacked out for a few milliseconds, or just plainly fell asleep, or it's everyone's else's fault. I maintain the latter.

I handed over my $5 bill and immediately received my change back in my hand. Huh? How did she know what I would give her...? I stared down at the palm of my hand trying will all my might to do the math in my head (did I mention my hatred for calculus - it pretty much extends to all math in general) it just didn't look like enough. I had $1.85 in my hand. Was this change meant for the car that had been ahead of me when I pulled up? HOW DID SHE KNOW WHAT I'D GIVE HER?!

When I looked up at her she was handing me a medium sized coffee cup which I took and handed to my brother. Then waited...

And she waited...

"Uh, can I get my coffee, please?" I say, trying to be nice

One eyebrow raised she responds "I gave you the other one"

"Um, no you didn't" I said, picking up her tone.

"Yes she did" spoke up my brother, already sipping on his own coffee and gesturing towards the car cup holder.

I looked at him, then at the coffee, back at him, and then at the girl. "But how...when did she...?"

From the time she gave me the change and I looked up to get my brother's coffee, somehow another one had appeared in the car. I do not remember taking that one from her. I did not, at that moment, see or remember her giving me my coffee. I started to drive away, unsure of what happened around me just then.

"Did you see her give me my coffee!?" I asked. I needed answers.

"I'm getting late for work" was the reply.

But for some reason, I was unsettled. This not-so-nice girl had ripped me off. She just randomly passed off some change on me and I was supposed to just take that? NO. No sir. 7am or not, it was the principle of the matter. The prin-ci-ple. She can't choose to give me a certain amount of change. I reserve the right to say "keep the change". MY right.

"NO!" I announced, "she ripped me off! Look! She didn't know I'd give her a $5! How could she?! NO! I want my change! She's owed me a dollar something...!"

I whipped the car around and made a sharp turn back into the drive-thru lane.

My brother started laughing and shaking his head at my suddenly resolute speech and actions, "baj, it's only $0.50!!"

"What?"

"$0.50! It's not worth it...hahahahahahahahahaha"

At this point I was paused right before the intercom, "really?" I said perplexed, and glanced down at my hand, still gripping the change, "oh."

I'd already lost a certain amount of integrity during my first round-a-bout through that drive thru. I couldn't face intercom-girl again. So I did the only thing I could do and sped past the window looking the other way, with my brother shaking his head and still laughing at me.

Once we got back on the road, I burst into a maniacal sort of laughter and just couldn't stop. Seriously folks, it was borderline take-me-to-the-asylum kind of laughter. And I could stop until I got to my brother's workplace a couple minutes further down (in my defense, he kept replaying the scene and laughing himself, causing me to laugh even more). It was only after he got out of the car that I was able to calm down and drive away.

In retrospect, now that I've told a couple people this story, I've just made myself look like an idiot to the world. And each time I get this strange look of half-amusement and half-pity. W'sup with that? It was funny! Really! And the change...I mean you'd go back too, wouldn't you??

Wouldn't you...?

You're giving me that look too, aren't you?

Tag # 2: This Time it's (More) Personal

2007-04-10T07:46:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by Hafsa (and Dee, although her blog is password-protected and I never put up a link to it...yet...?) a little while ago to do a list of "10 Things You Didn't Know" and have been racking my brain for anything remotely interesting or just non-crazy that you would fancy reading.

So here's the inane thoughts I managed to get...

1. I hate the colour red - red clothing, walls, furniture, fire engine, Raid canister...all of it. It's just so...there...and bright, and red.

2. I love red food - cherries, strawberries, red delicious apples, tandoori chicken.
(But you don't like the colour red? Yes, that's right. Maybe the fact that I can devour it makes it comforting? I'm an enigma, folks)

3. I am organized chaos personified - even as I type this I'm surrounded by piles of paper and clothes BUT I know exactly where everything is...I think...

4. "Klumsy" is my middle name - well, not literally, though it would make sense since my initials are AKA...but it's really not. Ok, ok, like, for example, I went bowling a short while back with the girls and it was my turn up and I was thinking about how badly I needed a strike or anything remotely good to pull myself out of the shame spiral I was in, and so I positioned myself in the centre of the lane, swung my 10lb bowling ball back with my left arm aaannnd...released it into the air towards my group of friends sitting behind me. Thankfully, it narrowly missed one of my friends but not before she jumped out of her seat. Causing a collective gasp and then an erruption of laughter from my friends, me and the group next to us (which conicidentally included a coworker who arrived shortly before).

5. I'm ambidextrous - I started out as a lefty and was forced into right-handedness by my parents, supposedly for my own good.

6. I cannot watch horror movies - give me blood, guts and gore on a medical show, but I cannot take the gruseomeness (it is too a word!) of horror movies - yes, even the cheesy, over-dramatic ones. I attempted to watch Saw 1 when it came out on DVD. I watched the first 17 minutes then shut off the DVD player, took the DVD out of it, put it in it's case and went outside to put in my car to be driven back to the video store asap. I couldn't have that thing near me in the house...did I mention it was about 2pm and brightly sunny outside with everyone at home?

7. Calculus terrifies me more than Freddie Kruger, Jason, The Saw psychopath and Michael Jackson, Paul Bearer (the WWF/E fans will know) and the possessed little girl from The Exorcist put together - seriously.

8. I need someone to buy my books from last term - I'm running out of ideas...but this is true.

9. When I was about 4-5 years old, I used to follow my dad to the corner convenience store where he snuck out to get cigarettes (he quit now -yay) and when I knew I could con him into getting me candy (that wide-eyed puppy face melts dads much easier than moms). One time as I hurried to catch up with him, I left the front door and screen door open causing my toddler brother to wander out on to road by himself. Fortunately my neighbour came out and saw him and got him home. Some time later I arrived, Bonkers clutched in my hands to find a very shaken and angry mother at home and my younger brother sitting in the living room munching on a cookie. That's my earliest experience of feeling what it was like to have a room grow cold and dread fill my tiny heart. Stupid little brothers...

10. I was bullied as a kid when I was in kindergarten - I don't know why. I wasn't the shortest or the nose-picker, or a bully myself. There was a couple girls who maybe just didn't like my name? But the nerve of those brats - when it was my birthday I distinctly remember them raising their hands when the teacher said I could pick a friend to help pass out my birthday cupcakes...

Ok now I'm afraid that you couldn't possibly want to know anything more about me or that you all know be too well and will easily spot me on the street if I were to pass you by. Just look for the girl not wearing red, eating a red delicious apple and attempting to walk away from the horror movie theatre but tripping over her own feet in the process.

2007-04-09T08:27:00.000-04:00

Ok folks, I've deleted all the comments, as well as disabled commenting, in my last post. This was not because of any one single comment, but collectively things were getting out of hand, especially with a comment that was made about 10 minutes ago.

I don't mind debate, but certain remarks were becoming increasingly offensive to certain people who are kind enough to read my blog to begin with. In the outside world this sort of conversation is fine since everyone has equal opportunity to contribute. But here, I'm responsible for what goes on my blog and since I have no control over what you think, I can control whether I publish it.

For a moment I considered giving up blogging altogether because I had a similar situation before on here that upset me and put me off blogging. Or I may just start to moderate the comments so that they have to be approved by me before being published. Or eliminating the "anonymous" feature so you'd have to log into blogger to comment.

But I don't want any of that. I like giving people the chance to use their name or not, and I don't want to have to "approve" comments - spam included (sometims they offer good products, k?).

I love the circle of bloggers that find the time to make it to my silly blog and read and even comment. Non-bloggers don't get the appeal of this whole thing, but if you're reading this, then you know how great i is to be a part of something like this. I've met so many nice people that they've become friends. You go through their good times and bad more honesly than you would in real life.

So, please do feel free to speak your mind, but I will not allow abusive comments on here in any way. If I've ever missed something in the comments, or even my post, that has offended you, please, please, please email me or add an anonymous comment to tell me so and I will deal with it one way or another.

Thank you.

(3 weeks 'til The Move and I'm a ~~little~~ very strung out and loopy. Excuse the incoherency of my writing, if it's visible (trust me, it's there...)

This n that

2007-04-06T21:54:00.000-04:00

I haven't had time to blog in awhile...busy with so many things! I know I've gotten a couple other tags (thanks Hafsa and Dee) and I promise I will update soon with another "Things you didn't know about me" but this is an older post I had written and saved as a draft so I'm digging it out now to post in the meantime.

Bipolar tendencies...

Either I'm sickeningly polite or I just have some issues with pleasing others.

I tend to say "sorry" quite often, even when things aren't fault. Someone bumps into me in a grocery store and I blurt out "oh I'm so sorry!" automatically, while that person glares at me rudely. Not that I would want to be the rude one, but I just shouldn't be the one to apologize, right?

Overly thanking people, excusing myself for little mistakes and a million other things. Lawyers are supposed to be tough exteriored and demanding. No wonder my coworkers were always skeptical at my lawyerness.

I have a temper...unfortunately a little more than I should. And I am stubborn - also too much so for my own good. But then I'm afraid that my Miss Congeniality crown will slip off my head if I start to hold back the niceties.

Kids say the darndest things...

"You don't know anything about my life or what I can understand" - my 8-year old sister...yes EIGHT

You little...I knew you before you started your life!!! Kids these days...sheesh

Sticks and stones...

Aunty-I-don't-really-know-but-forced-to-talk-to-when-I-answered-the-phone> "...it's a good thing you're becoming a lawyer"

Me> "oh, well yes, I wanted that career for some time..."

AIDRKBFTTTWIATP> "Well there are girls much more prettier than you and a little younger. Your education is the only way you'll find a good husband"

Me> flabbergasted silence

AIDRKBFTTTWIATP> "It's hard to find good husband's these days, you know. You should be prepapred to get married soon. How are you're studies in Michigan? Almost done?"

Me> "MOMMMMM...CALL FOR YOU"

Dinner for 500, please

I've always hated the fact that Indian weddings are so insanely big. Anyone and everyone who you've managed to share a breath of air with seems to be invited. The bride and groom are lucky to know a quarter of the invitees.

But on the same note, I understand our parents need and desire to invite all these people (some who they've known for 20 years, but haven't seen in 18). It's their time to celebrate and send their child off into their new life with a bang. They've attended other weddings and festivities so now it's time to return an invitation. They've spent your whole life raising you - teaching, scolding, loving and admiring - and now they can have the chance to share their over-flowing happiness.

But still, with the number of people my dad seems to know, I'll be lucky to have one table of friends at my own wedding!

Tag, I'm It...

2007-03-27T01:03:00.000-04:00

Run as fast as I might, I've been tagged by Isheeta in her latest entry so now, keeping within the Code of the Blogger, I must oblige and give you 5 Things you didn't know about me.

(I know I did something similar a little while ago, but I'm digging up more fun facts for you're reading pleasure. And I must admit, like Isheeta said, tags are cool because they make you feel special for being singled out and since we all crave attention in one way or another, I am blushing, but oh-so-happy [Thanks Isheeta ;)])

1. My first and only stitches were caused by an iron

When I was about 5-6 years old my cousins and I were jumping on my grandmother's bed and falling so that we'd land sitting down. All was well until I landed on the plug from a nearby iron in such a way that it got stuck in my lower back and I had to be rushed to the hospital for stitches. In the meantime, while the adults were trying to figure out if I'd need stitches or not, they thought they should put ice on it and unfortuntely we didnt have any more ice (these were the days before the automatic ice dispensers in the fridge - they were called ice trays - had to be manually filled with water and placed in the freezer *gasp*) so, the parents did the next best, and obvious, thing - the put a freezie on it [the flavoured, sugar-syrup concentrated, frozen ice pop in the plastic] and then drove me to the hospital to get a whole whack load of stitches. I was so traumatized (maybe still am?) that all I remember is that the doctor telling me they'll need to use a needle, and then everything went black...

2. My younger sister and I are 16 years apart.

Crazy I know. I recently met a girl who was 21 years apart from her brother so it made me feel much better. But despite the difference, she, my brother and I all get along as if the age difference was only a couple of years. She's starting to act much older and we've always been mischievous so it works out great. She's the most funniest person I know and the best thing is she doesn't really notice the age gap. Although now, as my brother and I are moving on with education and out of the house, she's getting a little more lonely...

3. I have a purse fetish

Yes, it is true. As non-materialistic as I want to be, when it come to bags and purses, some other force takes over and there's no control. It's come to the point where I am scolded by all members of the household (includinig the younger sister) when they see me with another new bag. So I work up ways to convince them that it really is a bag I've had for a long time and I just haven't used it in awhile (I say this while trying to distract their attention away from the tag I am attempting to yank off). I don't really care for designer labels but look for different details and styles...and yadda yadda yadda....blah blah...you've stopped reading at this point I believe.

4. I've been attempting to write a book for about a year now.

So some of you do know this, so it's a little cheat, but either way, it counts. I have the title, the idea of what it'll be able, a vague description of the lead character. And no, I'm not spending my time deciding what handbag she will carry. But it's hard to develop a character you know nothing about. Which sounds absolutely ridiculous to some when I've said that, since I am the one writing the character, but when I write I tend to add my own self into it too much and I don't like that. You know your faults too well and know nothing of your virtues. I'd rather set up a character who has her own flaws. Again...stopped reading three sentences ago didn't you?

5. If I weren't going to be a lawyer, I'd be a newspaper journalist.

Maybe work with world news, or arts & entertainment. Write the horoscopes? Obituaries? Or even just the retractions. Maybe a write like Vinay Menon (read his stuff if you need a laugh out loud morning)?I started to get interested in junior high, but my parents (love you) said that I would much prefer to be a doctor. Anything that didn't have to do with me travelling, especially to strange places with strange people who may influence me to do strange things. Yes, these are the same set of parents allowing me to go to Australia. Ironic, isn't it?

So now it's my turn to do that tagging! And for that we'll get....Pyari, Enyur, Ruby, Ephemeral Nature (that'll teach you to blog once every 3 months), Ahmed and Roohi.
I don't know how many people I'm allowed to tag, so I got a little carried away.... ;)

TAG! You're IT!

Muslim Women Voters Must Show their Face

2007-03-24T00:03:00.000-04:00

Muslim voters required to remove face coverings
(article)

It was announced that in this Monday's election in Quebec, Muslim women who were a niqab (full headscarf that only shows the eyes) will have to come in showing their faces or will not be permitted to vote. Election officials tried to compromise by saying they could come with I.D. and someone who will vouch for their identity, but protests came from others that they will all show up in masks if this was done.

I've had a mixed reaction with this. While I understand the purpose of the niqab, as well as the frustration that others feel with rule changes, I think there's another way around this. Women wearing the niqab could possibly request a female employee from Elections Canada to be present while she presents her ID without the niqab behind a curtain of some sort, rather than just show up niqab-less. People have a difficult time accepting change, and as increasing issues arise with the mix of religion/culture with laws in Toronto, and globally for that matter, there will be more disputes.

On the one hand you have people worrying that all these 'disruptions' in the voting process are unfair to those who are not practicing Muslims because it may slow up the voting and inconvenience them. They also think that too much is being done in terms of leniency of rules to allow for people of different faiths to be included in activities. It's a "follow along or leave" attitude, which I don't agree with, but understand all the same. For these people, one exception will lead to another and another until it feels like the entire system of rules is bending over backwards to make room for the few people who need exceptions.

On the other hand, this is Canada. Back in the 70s the gates of immigration were opened and people flooded into the country, bringing with them a host of beliefs and traditions. You may not like it, but you have to at least accept it. Canada needs the population. Just recently Statistics Canada released a report that two-thirds of Canada's population growth over the past five years was fuelled by immigrant newcomers. The population has increased about 5.4% (highest of the G8 countries) while Canadians themselves continue to have a low fertility rate. This means that Canadians aren't have enough children to support the economy in the future.

Cue the immigrants, please. So - when it comes down to it, immigrants are a necessary part of a countries growth, Canadian or not. But it's foolish to accept that people will convert to Canadianism completely once they step off the plane (though I still think they should be handed a cup of Tim Horton's as they land, as part of the initiation). There will be many part of their faith/culture, something that is a part of them, that they inevitably will bring with them.

Exceptions to rules are hard because someone has to draw that chalk line somewhere. Whether it being elevators that stop at every floor in hospitals on Saturdays for the Jewish day of Sabbath or serving certain types of meals on an airline to accomodate travellers with special diets we need to make room to show respect.

These women who wear niqab may very well be born and raised Canadian citizens as well as immigrants who later earned citizenship, and to deny them practice of their faith is a violation of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. They have a right to vote as well as to wear the niqab and to deny either is unlawful leave alone immoral - these women are being asked to choose between their religious beliefs and their political and democratic beliefs. They are involuntarily being subjected to a Catch 22 situation: if you want to vote, remove the niqab; remove the niqab then you violate your beliefs.

It comes down to whether the election officials now want to help the situation or back away as briskly and calmly as possible. They are being threatened that if they allow and exception, other people will show up in Halloween style masks. But this hard-headed and misguided thinking is just what stems discrimination. If they met with some sort of compormise to allow women to wear their niqab but not "disrupt" the voting process, there should be no issues. Voters would come and go as they expected to without even knowing that a woman in a niqab was even in the room. But again, it's all a matter of wanting to help or being forced to.

What's your take on this?

The Good, The Bad, and The Wha--!? (Very FAQs)

2007-03-21T23:31:00.000-04:00

As I continue to tell friends and family of my upcoming move, I'm getting a myriad of reactions and questions. Everyone has been more kind and supportive than I deserve and that includes all the wonderful comments in my last post. I thought I'd answer questions that I've gotten all in one shot...in case you yourself were wondering

1. Are you kidding me!?!?!

No, I assure you that I am not kidding you. Although, sometimes I feel like I'm kidding myself when I realize how far I'm going and what kind of career I've decided to take on. Will I be any good? What if I do all this, start working and realize my true calling was to be a name-giver to cosmetics and ice cream!? (Which, by the way, is an actual job that people have - saw it on Oprah. And she doesn't lie.)

2. What did your parents say?

Well, they sort of just stared at me than say anything when I told them. As if creating a mental map of the world and digesting the fact that Australia hasn't somehow floated up around to the Atlantic coast. I think they may have had a better reaction had I said Austria. But, then they stopped turning blue, began to breathe and actually listened to my reasoning. They knew I wasn't happy and I had already talked to them about wanting to do international law and that I couldn't transfer back home.

My mom knows a number of people, including South Asian/Muslim girls, travelling to Australia, the UK and other places for their education so she began to take solace in that. But then immediately started staring off into space, thinking out loud about how I'd be so much farther away from her and wouldn't be able to see her for months at a time. My wonderful parents have always been supportive of my education. When I first applied to law school they said that I could go wherever I got in (of course, they assumed I'd be in North America). I know many friends whose parents have barely let them travel to an adjacent city for post-graduate schooling or work.

3. Where in Australia?

I thought about whether I want to post the answer to this or not. And in the end, I though not. I cyberspace is an odd place where you can find out most anything. My school may become easy to locate once I name the area/city so it just hits a little too close to home. I'll put pictures up once I'm there so some of you may even be able to figure out where I am from that.

4. Do you know anyone there?

As far as good signs go, would you believe that I found an old friend from undergrad that is at my school right now?!

God bless Facebook! And the way it happened was completely random (another sign?). I was searching for "groups" on FB for my new university when I found one for law students there. So I click on it, hoping to send a message to someone in that group to see if they will be kind enough to answer someone questions for me. So I scroll down and I see a girl who mentions somthing about a "Canadian Law Students Association" there and so she seemed like the perfect person to ask questions since she must have gone through the same immigration/travel process that I was about to embark on. So I click on her name and am brought to her profile page. Side note: pretty much everyone on FB has set their 'privacy' settings such that if you're not added as a friend of theirs, you cannot see their profile, but can still send a message - this girl had not set her privacy settings this way so I could see her whole profile. There's also a 'mini-feed' on your profile that shows a person what you've been up to on FB - who you've added as a friend, who's page you've left a message on, ie pretty much keeps track of all your activity (a wonderful stalker feature). And lo and behold her mini-feed was accessible and it showed that someone had recently "tagged" her in a picture (meaning that someone had uploaded some pictures on their profile and labeled with with their name). They also add a small thumbnail picture of the picture that has been tagged and this, plus the name of the tagger (the girl was the tagee) caught my eye and I froze.

The name and person was someone I had taken a number of courses with in univeristy during undergrad (we were in the same major) and had talked to a lot out of school, on MSN, etc - a friend/acquantaince whatever. We went our separate ways after graduationg a couple years ago and pretty much never talked afterwards - I had lost my contacts for MSN and so didn't even have him on that anymore for a long time. So I clicked on his name and saw that although I couldn't access his profile, his network (another crazy FB invention - it shows what school/company/city you have affiliated yourself with) was set to the school I am going to! I couldn't believe it. We had both talked about applying to law school way back in our 3rd year but after graduation, we didn't really keep tabs on anything. But there he was, 1 year into the same law program I'm heading into. I still can't believe the coincidence...luck? Kismet? Still don't know... I wasted now time in firing off a message to him, hopefully somewhat coherent, and thankfully he e-mailed back saying it was nice to hear from me and that he would definitely help out with any questions I had. How cool is that!?

Prior to undergrad-friend, I had only one other contact in Australia though she doesn't live anywhere near where I will be let alone go to my school. My friend and I met about 10 years ago when I moved to Malaysia and was attending a private international school. She'd just come from Australia and we became fast friends. Though I moved away a year or so after, we managed to keep in touch and ironically enough, in the past year, she's been planning to move to Canada.

5. Living on or off campus?

On. Lived off-campus in Michigan and it didn't give me a chance to meet people and there were a lot of other issues.

6. How long will you be there?

At least 2 years to start, maybe adding another one year for my Master's.

7. Seriously, you're not kidding?

*sigh* no dear friend, I am going. Knowing my somewhat quiet temperament, most people assume I'm a homebody. Truth is, I love travelling and new places. I find it's really cool how some people have lived in one place since they were born, but I've never known that consistency. I've moved about 9 (soon to be 10) times in my life changing homes, neighbourhoods and schools so it's really a part of my life now.

8. "Will you bring me back a koala?" - Shazia

Since I don't think they're that easy to smuggle in past customs, right now that'll be a "no". But as I said before, I will dress up my little sister as one and you can have her.

9. Are you happy?

Yes. I can honestly say that though the distance from friends and family will hurt, I am happy.

I have to admit, it's been kind of fun seeing, hearing and reading the reactions I've gotten from people who have found out about my move. Not that I take some twisted pleasure in your shock or anything like that...

My cousin's reaction has had to be the best so far:

Her> WHAT!?!? Oh. My. God. But...Huh? Wait...What!?

Me> Hahahahaha...yup, it's true

Her> Huh? I don't...when? But, I-I-I, uh. What??? Seriously? Noooo...you never - I never...I can't belive it. I-ohmygod.

Me> Seriously. It's all done. I would've told you sooner, but-

Her> What?! Australia-Australia? THIS May? But...what about...since when...

Me [while listening]> hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Her> I don't get it...wow...but...I'll call you back. *click*

Me> Hello...?

My Visual DNA

2007-03-20T21:11:00.001-04:00

Enyur did this Visual DNA on her blog and it seemed interesting so I thought I'd do one for myself...surprisingly much of it all is true. And this whole time I was trying to find the "real me" and on this conquest to find out who I am, and all I had to do was click on some pictures..!?

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

The News

2007-03-16T15:20:00.000-04:00

(I originally planned to post this all later but I can't take the poking on Facebook or the nudging on MSN - the virtual abuse has gotten to me and I'm afraid I've caved under the pressure... :P)

It's set. Thanks to all your prayers, good wishes and coin throwing into mall fountains (thanks G), everything for seems to be ready for my departure.

Oops, I let it slip...departure... ha...ha? Ok not funny since you don't know what I'm referring to. Agreed. Let's move on.

So kids, as you may know since August last year I've travelled from Toronto to Michigan (MI) to start my law school career. I was dubious from the start. For many reasons, I've never liked MI to begin with. I've always been dragged there from when I was a kid to visit family that I've never liked and who aren't very keen on me either - don't let me start. But the place itself just seemed odd to me and I just never felt comfortable there. But when I got the acceptance, I was happy about law school itself so cast my skepticism aside and went along with everything. School started up and I got into my studies, but the surroundings seemed to be dragging me down. Where I was going to school is a very quiet and desolate place. Not to mention ghetto and gloomy. By nature I'm more of a quiet person who tends to keep to herself and doesn't need a big group of friends or companions - I've always preferred independent work instead of group. But this place got to me in a bad way. Being away from home for the first time didn't help matters much. School itself was tough since many people aren't helpful because they're afraid you'll get ahead of them and the constant scare that people will be graded poorly against the other students in order to balance the number of A's in the class due to the large enrolment rate in the school (though I did meet some very nice people). So I started getting very depressed and had trouble accepting my situation - that I'd be there for 3 whole years in pursuit of this degree.

First term came and went and with me doing better than even I expected too, but it still wasn't enough. I wasn't happy. It wasn't regular old stress - I've had that, and so did all the other students in my year. But this was something more deep rooted. Everything just felt wrong there. If you're a person who believe in 'signs' then I have plenty for you:

I had trouble getting the paperwork through for my student visa - it got lost the first time they mailed it to me and I finally emailed the school and had to rush to get everything completed before I had to move there. I ended up getting it about 2 days before I was supposed to leave home
I had a hard time finding a good place to live. My apartment was in the downtown ghetto, nearby a not-so-friendly motel. Ok, so I could have simply moved, right? Let's keep going...
I needed a car and so went to lease one from there (calculated to be cheaper for lease + insurance compared to Toronto); the lease papers had to be sent in because the finally realized my Social Insurance Number (Social Security for my US peeps) was Canadian - though I had written specifically that it was and was assured by the dealership that it was ok.
Had to apply for a US SSN - took a week longer than they said it would to arrive and I couldn't get my car until I gave them my new number.
Two months after getting said car, I managed to hit a bright yellow post near a parking ticket dispenser and brok the headlight unit on the front of the car and scrathed up the bumper. Dealership quoted $1400 to fix the damage. (And I thought all they had to do was replace the lightbulb and glass...turns out it became an electrical problem)
I went and applied for this special student loan especially for Canadian students studying in the US. Applied August 2006. Lost my supporting documents - sent me notice MID OCTOBER 2006. Once I sent another set, they send me a letter in NOVEMBER to say that the application I filled out was wrong because I filled out an application for undergraduate students and not graduate students (mind you, I was the one who requested this form from them, I didn't pick it up myself AND there is no bloody different between the forms except the word "graduate" vs. "undergraduate"). Correct form sent again. Cheque (or "check") for my first term tuition was finally mailed to the school this past January 2007. I haven't even mentioned the number of times I called this student loan facility and how many hours spent being put on hold and trying to explain my situation each time around to each representative.
I got my first ever traffic ticket - I've never even had a parking ticket and I got one for speeding. I was taking a friend home and we were heading straight down on a 35mph road. After an intersection I didn't notice that it turned into a 25mph street because the friend was (ironically) showing me some different apartments. Next thing you know bright red, white and blue lights are flashing behind me. Silly me thought the car was after someone else so I pulled over to the right and only when the cop also stopped did it hit me. He said I was doing 37mph in a 25mph zone and after making me wait for what seemed like forever, he came back and said he'd let me off "easy" by charging me for a civil infraction for doing 30mph in a 25mph road. But, as I suppose he must, he wrote down "actual speed 37"). I was planning on fighting it but that in itself was a whole issue because here in the States (I dont know if it's the same back home) students must report any and all tickets and other charges to the Dean to be put on record for when you graduate and take the bar. I thought it would get worse if I fought it, especially not know how the traffic courts worked in the U.S. so I paid the US$145.00 ticket. Is that a normal amount!? Anyone..?!
I was followed home by creepy, seemingly homeless, man the one time I decided to walk home from school. I didn't venture out for 4 days until my next class.

This was all in the span of 6 months. Say what you will but this was enough for me to realize that I didn't belong there. So where did I belong?

I wasn't allowed to transfer from a US school to a Canadian law school because the differences in the legal systems (civil vs. common law) so transferring back home wasn't an option - I'd have to reapply to Canadian schools and start as a new student in the Fall term. Transferring to a different school within the US is also tough in and of itself, not to mention that I don't know where I'd get in and it just may be so far that I couldn't go home on weekends like I wanted to and it just wouldn't be worth it. I like the US well enough but going further away also meant being somewhere where I had no connections. Even though I have a strained relationship with the family I have in Michigan, they would, if the emergency arose, attempt to help me for my dad's sake, that I know for sure.

I started to think about what I wanted in my law career. At first I thought it would be mediation and arbitration but it didn't seem like something I would want in the long run. Then it came to me, I wanted to do international law. I love learning of different countries, and policies between them. I have always had an interest in human rights and poverty issues. Maybe I could work for the UN? Or go into international trade law and work for the WTO? Or work for the WHO and international health issues? You get the idea...

A lot of research later, some e-mails back and forth, and I found a school that was willing to grant me credit for some of the courses I had already completed, offered me fully serviced and safe residence on-campus (I was off-campus before), and has an awesome International Law Master's program. Instead of spending 3 years on my J.D. degree in the US, I could do the same degree in 2 years and so finish the same time I had originally expected to, then add on a year to do my Master's if I so wished.

OR, I could potentially complete 1 year there and then apply to transfer back to a Canadian school, which many students had already done. The school has a small population, with small teacher to student ratio. Since there were already a high number of Canadian students there, they offer some Canadian-based law courses, making it easier to move the degree back home after graduation (if I don't transfer before). And, to top it off, the school is located in one of the most lovely places I've ever seen.

So what's the problem?

It's all in Australia. And I'm going. This May.

And yes, I am happy :)

I'm going to post another FAQ, please feel free to ask me any questions you have. I'll try to answer as best I can, keeping in mind that I want to maintain some privacy. And on another note, thank you so much from the bottom of my blogging heart for all your wonderful prayers and concerns through the comments and emails - it really means a great deal. And whether I know you in the real world or not, I'd like to hear any positive and negative feedback.

Interim post

2007-03-10T12:52:00.000-05:00

So, things on my end are getting quite crazy. And it's not to do with just school alone - but a much bigger and life altering change is in the final stages of being decided and completed, but until I have things in order I don't want to say anything more.

I know I haven't posted every single day but I might be away from my blog for another week or so, busy with arrangements. This event that will be happening soon is huge for me so I'm becoming increasingly irate (and irritating to others) but also prickly with excitement. I don't know if I decided right, but I prayed as much as I could and can do nothing more from this point. All I ask is that you pray/cross your fingers/get a rabbits foot/sacrifice a ------/throw a coin in a well (or the mall fountain)/wish on a star/start an online forum/find a four-leaf clover (not one from a Lucky Charms box) for me - compliance with any or all of the suggestions would be much appreciated and virtual high-fives and/or hugs will be distributed in abundance to show my gratitude.

And no, I'm not getting married (admit it - it was the first thing that popped into your head, wasn't it?).

Didja Know...

2007-02-28T13:46:00.000-05:00

I can't ice skate - never learned on my own and was never taught

My major in undergrad was psychology, with a minor in geography (social) and almost in religious studies (needed one more full credit that I never bothered with...)

I'm currently on page 2 of "The Book" I'm supposed to have written by the end of November 2006

I used to pick off all the vegetables on my veggie pizza, but now I love the ones with broccoli, zuccini, red pepper and whatever else odd that could go on it...

My mom, dad, my brother and I ( I had just turned 14 and had just started grade 9 in high school) moved from Toronto to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, where we lived 2 years. We then moved to California for a year and then we (my mom, dad, brother, new baby sister and I) finally moved back to Toronto just before I started grade 12. This past November marked exactly 10 years since my family and I embarked on this "adventure".

I have a love for the Impressionist era in art history, but have never studied it on my own or know all to much about preceding or following periods.

I also love photography, so much so that I want to use my student loan money to buy a new camera. Though the one I want costs just as much as one credit at school...decisions, decisions..

The first car I wanted was VW Jetta - what I got was a 96 Pontiac Grand Am (which is now resting comfortably in a junk yard somewhere while my Buick LaCrosse has taken its place)

I started working for a bank a little over 4.5 years ago and I both love and hate it.

I'm not allergic to anything that I know of, but I have told people I'm allergic to dogs because of my irrational fear of them (when a woolly mammoth-esque dog comes barrelling across a park at you when you're 6 years old, then we'll talk about 'overcoming fears' - and yes, even the Taco Bell dog scares me)

I hate to be girly and dress up myself, but at the same time I love different types of jewelry and clothing design. And I do have a thing for purses. Guess I am getting girly after all...*yuck*

Skydiving is still something I want to do. Despite the chagrin of family and friends :D

I don't mind the ~~Canadian~~ Southern Ontario winter other than the freezing rain that causes you to have to scrape off an inch of ice from your car windows in the morning when you are running really late for work. AND I am exceedingly afraid of slipping on ice and break bones, which thank God, I have never broken, yet... maybe I should learn to skate...

I'll play it cool, but I love the TV shows Prison Break, LOST, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother and Ugly Betty, Scrubs and above all, ER. Before you think I've shoved my law books under the sofa in attempt to watch all these shows, I'll have you know that I watch them on weekends while eating or simply taking a break. But seriously, don't tell my mom, 'kay?

And before you think I'm an illiterate fool, I am also in between two books right now: Truman Capote's In Cold Blood and Asra Nomani's Standing Alone - this is why I don't have the time/patience/energy/motivation/incentive/consciousness to finish my own book. Don't give me that look...

I am finally learning to cook like the decent Indian girl I ought to be.

I took French until midway through university but still can't hold a decent conversation. Though I also want to learn Spanish and ASL.

I played the clarinet for two years in junior high. The furthest I made it was to second chair. Just wasn't good enough for first. But I have always wanted to learn to play the drums, so maybe that's my true calling? Besides being a lawyer, of course...

Okay, so I've blabbered on about all these things about myself, but what I would like to know is more about other people. Maniac Mommy posted a contest on her blog where she asked everyone to to post something unique and interesting about themselves in her comments section. I thought it was a great idea to find out something new and maybe even discover a few new blogs like she has.

She wanted to get 100 comments, but I know I'm not going to get anywhere near that (though it would be nice), so instead I'm just asking that you post something about yourself - anonymously if you really want, but preferably not. As well, she had it running as a contest, but I thought I wouldn't do that since I know some of you outside the blogging world and it just wouldn't be fair - I couldn't live with the cold looks I'd get afterwards.

So - if possible, please spread the word for my little social-blog experiment and maaaaybe I'll give you a prize. Just don't tell the others.

Little Girl Banned from Soccer game for wearing Headscarf

2007-02-27T08:43:00.000-05:00

http://www.thestar.com/News/article/186035

What do you think - should she be allowed to play or does hijab (headscarf) pose a "danger" for her?

Best Before: Oct 30, 2007

2007-02-21T23:21:00.000-05:00

Recently, a friend of my mom's decided it was her duty to point out my age and marital status in a gathering of Indian family friends for a dinner party.

Now, as some may know, in these family parties there comes to be 4 subsections to the general party. First, there's the Ladies' (aka The Aunties) section, which tends to be in whichever room is closes to the kitchen where the hostess is buzzing about warming up each entree from the moment you arrive. Second is the Men's (aka The Uncles) section, usually the household living room or basement - closest to where the food will be laid out buffet-style, but furthest from the kitchen. The third is the Kids (The-Annoying-Hyper-Brats) section that is either the whole of the upstairs floor (if there is one), concentrated in one child's room, or the whole of the basement (if The Uncles haven't made it their habitat first). The last subsection is usually the smallest and most ignored - The In-Betweeners. These are the not-kids-but-not-adults who really don't know they're place in the party. They're usually pre-teens and teens who don't want to hang out with the young kids and don't necessarily want to hang out with each other but somehow manage to congregate in one area in one of the previously mentioned subsections, or, if they are lucky enough, in front of TV somewhere tuned to something no one really wants to watch but won't decidedly change either.

So, now that you've got the setting down, imagine about 15 or so 30-to-50+ aged women who have this insane ability to start talking about some political issue in India and eventually, without fail end up on the topic of marriage. Who recently married, who will be getting married and who should be getting married. I landed myself smack in the middle of the latter category.

I've made it a point not to attend these parties as I got older. The kids of the family friends are mostly all grown up, away at school or we just are different people who do not get along anymore. My brother and I do make it a point to visit a select few homes who we've known since childhood and who are the ones we genuinely love (aren't they lucky?). So this is where I was. Sitting with The Aunties, making small talk with a newly immigrated bride (the hostess' sister's sister-in-law - i.e. Transitional Aunty) and minding my own business when my mind suddenly sprang to attention on the topic of potential suitors that Aunty S was looking at for her daughter, one year older than me. Then, all eyes turned to look at me. I pretended I was suddenly very interested in the purple embroidered cushion I was holding in my lap, but could feel the stares burning holes in me. Oh good God, here we go.

>>"Sooo, how about AKA here? How's school going? Almost done?"

>Oh no, a direct question. Which one said it? They're all looking at me sitting in this corner. Too late to escape to the bathroom. Can I pretend someone is calling me? No, they'll never fall for it. "It's going well, not done yet, I just started in September so about 3 years to go" I say, attempting to plaster a smile on my face.

>>"3 years? Wow, long time. We'll have to get you married before that! Ha ha ha! Girl's shouldn't wait too long. All the good boys will be taken. You're how old now? 23?

> Mommy, help. Please!? "Uh, no, I turned 24 in October"

People, I could feel the wave of shock spread through the room. It's was a somewhat muffled but collective *gasp*

Like so many other girls in the South Asian culture, I'm tired of being made to feel ancient and good only if I'm married. I do want the marriage and the family but I'm just doing it at a different pace than others. I think my own parents feel caught in the middle - they would prefer that I be married, but can't force the issue because they want me to finish school.

On the other hand, I don't want people to misunderstand my culture to think that it is some unrefined and orthodox way of thinking. I have never been discouraged from pursuing a higher form of education. Both my grandmothers were teachers - one even having a Master's in the Urdu language - though, in their time the system of education was different, where they would have started college around the age of 16.

Being born and raised in Canada has made it difficult for me and others who were also born/raised here to find a fine balance between the two, very clashing, cultures. Add a heavy dose of religion and you contribute more twists and turns to the tangle of knots. I know that no one has it easy, regardless of the form of background and upbringing you have, but most are apt to believe that there situation is more poignant than others only because they are living it and not just imagining themselves in another's shoes.

I've lost my train of thought...where was I? Ah, yes, trying to block the images of all the 'Aunties' staring at me in vain shock. What happened after that is a blur to me but I do remember one of my mom's nicer friends chiming in about how I had lots of time to get married and that girls in general were getting married later and later. Then she launched into a number of examples of girls who were becoming doctors, engineers, teachers or setting up their career in other jobs and not yet married. Which I believe then eventually lead into a conversation about which brand of basmati rice was better. At this point I had stopped holding my breath and was trying to get the ringing in my ears to stop so I'm not so sure...

Unaltering days...

2007-02-12T16:44:00.000-05:00

Blah.

In a word, this is pretty much how I'm feeling these days. Nothing exciting going on, not much to do and being almost bedriddenly sick doesn't help. Other than the few (ok, not so few) TV shows that I've been watching (read: glued myself to, to the point that I will yell at anyone who dares call me during one of the shows I am watching - sorry Mom), there's not much else to do and I feel myself slipping in a serious case of the Blahs. Which, I must warn you, is much more grave than having the case of the "Meh's" (of which, some will remember, I suffered during the Christmas holidays).

I should just blame the blistering winter weather. Everyone else seems to do it. Or maybe I should blame the weather guy on TV for reminding me every evening of what the forecast will be like for the next couple days ahead.

"Why don't you just stop watching the weather on TV if it makes you 'blah'"

...Yes, a possible solution, I suppose, but then I won't know what the weather is like, would I? Now what do you have to say Smarty Pants?

I used to be down with the whole pop culture scene. I knew where Sienna Miller ate last weekend, who wore the fab Oscar de la Renta dress to the latest movie premiere and which starlet just broke up with her latest beau and was on the rebound. Heck, I even used to watch the boring award shows (Golden Globes, AMA's, MTV, Grammy etc). But then I just stopped, cold turkey. I thought only a gossip-patch would be able to wean me off that gooey stuff and help me overcome my dependency. But maybe I just grew up overnight? I didn't even know the Grammy's were coming up until I logged into my daily news RSS feed and noticed the headlines that were announcing winners. I still listen to music and watch movies, but I've just lost whatever it is held my interest in the everyday doing's of the stars.

"I think you just got a life..ha ha ha...um, ha?"

No, I think I realized that I was wasting my time on the flittering of insignificant people who are the very essence of what is wrong with our media and youth. Rather than being focused on political and social issues, we're worried about the designer bag BritJessParNicLindSienKat were seen with. I realized I should get back into reading more books, taking up a more active lifestyle, and focus on growing into a more responsible human being.

That, and I accidentally deleted many of my gossip-blog bookmarks and can't be bothered to remember them. Still...it counts.

The following took place between 9:00pm and 10:00pm [MSN chat conversation].

Check the Rhime....DND writing essay (reach the celly) says:
Yo... werent u gonna write a book or sumfin? lolz

AKA says:
Aren't you supposed to be writing an essay. I figured that's what the "DND" meant..?

Check the Rhime....DND writing essay (reach the celly) says:
lolz. yea im doin it now. ****in 2 many page 2 do. hehe. so for real...u writing a book rite????

AKA says:
Yeah, I think. I'm trying but not getting anywhere. The story isn't working out how I want it to so I've laid the idea to rest for awhile.

Check the Rhime....DND writing essay (reach the celly) says:
lol yea y do all that 4....u need 2 make more moneyyyyyyy :D

AKA says:
Well, that's what this law degree is for. Hopefully if I get a good job once I'm done I can pay off all my student loans quickly.

Check the Rhime....DND writing essay (reach the celly) says:
yea gotta do tha billz....u wanna do corporaote law

AKA says:
Corporate law? No, probably not, I don't think it's for me. I thinking towards either international law or alternative dispute resolution. Both seem pretty interesting from what I've looked up.

Check the Rhime....DND writing essay (reach the celly) says:
na corp lawyers make more money :D:D:D i need 2 make mad cash after im dun skool

AKA says:
What are you majoring in?

Check the Rhime....DND writing essay (reach the celly) says:
business n english...thas what the essay is 4

AKA says:
Right...

"Bollywood gave me unrealistic expectations of love"

2007-02-07T15:10:00.000-05:00

There's an actual group by this title on Facebook and I could help but laugh out loud at the title when I first read it and then frown immediately because I realized how true it was.

Now, I obviously knew there wouldn't be any spur of the moment song-and-dance routines (though one can always still hope, right?), but somehow the idea of how easy it was for boy to meet girl, for boy and girl to fall for each other, overcome some minor obstacle (usually being some evil villain, or disapproving father...in many cases this being the same person) and then live happily ever after. As I grew up with Bollywood movies everything in the future seemed like it would be so easy because it had a fun soundtrack to it.

Doing the traditional "hide the groom's shoes to get money from him" custom at your sister's wedding? There's a song for that.

Attempting to woo the snobby rich girl at your college? There's a song for that.

Wondering if the boy you like likes you and why love and your heart are so crazy? There's a (million) songs for that.

There's songs about rain, the sun, gardens, flowers, wanting to going from rags-to-riches, the "dupatta" (i.e. the scarf material that's draped around the shoulder's on a woman's traditional indian suit - yes, there are songs about that). You name it and likely there is a song for it. So why wouldn't life seem like a breeze?

Now you could go ahead and blame this on me, saying that I may have just simply watched too many of these movies. But, when your own parents' "love story" consisted of their parents matching curriculum vitaes, family backgrounds, then retreating to their own corners to ask their child's consent and finally going back into the ring to work out what the bride's side will give the groom along with their daughter's hand (i.e. The Dowry) - life is confusing. Especially when much of the understanding of your culture comes from these movies.

This may all very well be because I grew up in Canada and am just one more ABCD (Amercian Born Confused Desi - i.e. desi = person from India) trying to find the fine balance between the clashing worlds of South Asian and Western idealisms. But since our parents were the ones who brought home these movies, it was a very long time until I (I am NOT the only one. Don't give me that look) clued in that life is just a wee bit more difficult.

So what did I expect? That by 21 or so I would meet Le Prince Charming, who would of course come from a wealthy family, be very charismatic, may even dance a bit, and that we would meet, our parents would readily approve and life would be one big swan ride through the Eternal Love Tunnel.

Well, I'm 24 (and a quarter...!), have no real prospects, stuck in school for a couple more years to come, and am being pressured from every end that my "expiry date" is on the brink of pouncing on me. Of course, at which time, I think I'm supposed to deflate in a puddle of invisible goo. But I am happy with all this...I think.

Though the idea of LPC sounds pretty good, it may just work out better not having gone that route. Meh...I'll keep you posted...

2007-02-07T14:43:00.000-05:00

I heard today on the radio that CTV is working on a movie based on the Pickton Murders (link 1, link 2). Now I understand why they would do it - it's controversial, shocking and will attract those who are curious to see a dramatization of the grisly murders. But I wonder still how we can even fathom anyone wanting to essentially glorify a man who has admitted to murdering 49 women. The same debate occurred when filmakers were eager to make the movie Karla based on the Bernardo case . I don't know whether it's more disturbing to know there's is a remake of these incidents or that people want to be a part of it, either by making the film or watching it.

Border Patrol

2007-01-29T00:24:00.000-05:00

I roll up to the US border, on my way back to school after spending the weekend at home, I fish around in my purse for my passport and visa documents:

Almost there. Where is that passport?? I thought I put it in this purese - ohmygod! Did I leave it back at ho-no wait, here it is. I need to get more organized. New resolution - get organized with important documents. Is in the next car picking his nose!? Buddy, there are dozens of cars around you will you watch it with that? Oh great, he's got Ontario plates. Now I can't even say it's an American thing. Way to make us proud, my friend. Why am I still here? I'm next, but I've been here forever - oh, it's been 1 minute. What is this that I'm listening to? How do I manage to get random songs on my iPod that I've never heard of? Oh wait, no time, the guy in front of me is leaving. Finally my turn. Okay, here we go, easy-peasy. Why would I think that phrase? I don't think I've ever said it out loud. The car still isn't moving, what's up? Well I have my answers ready - they always ask the same things. "Carrying any alcohol, firearms or food miss?" "Nope, nothing" followed by sweet, innocent smile. Works like a charm. COME ON BUDDY MOVE IT!! Ok there he goes. I wonder if I'll get that nice older guy I've had a couple times. He's always nice and chatty. Whoa, this dude doesn't seem nice...or chatty. Plan A, be the friendly one.

>"Hi, how are you?"

>>"Nationality?"

>"Uh, Canadian" I say handing over my documents. Okay, so he didn't reply, maybe he didn't hear you. It is pretty windy. That's it, the wind carried your voice.

>>"Where are you headed?"

>"Back to school, back to the books that whole grind, you know how it is." Play up the nonchalantness. Good job.

>>"Any alcohol, weapons or plants that you're bringing in?"

>"Nope, just clothes, no point in bringing in too much for the weekend right?" Okay, here comes the food question, be honest, lest you be caught lying. They have beef with bringing beef. Ha! Funny. Why doesn't he look happy while he's checking my papers?

>>"Uh huh" he says as he glances up from his computer with an eyebrow raised, "any grocery or food items?"

>"Well just a couple chicken things my mom made me. Can't get mom's cooking at school, right?" Stop talking, stop talking. For the love of God why are you talking so much!? "I was told it was okay to bring that in, thankfully huh? Otherwise I'd just have to somehow bring her in with me, ha ha...ha" SHUTUPSHUTUP.

>> "Yeah, open your trunk and unlock your back doors Miss."

Ah sh--. I'm in for a "random check" aren't I? I shouldn't have smiled so much. Or talked. I can't believe he -- seriously, who's downloading songs on my iPod without telling me...?!

The "It" Factor

2007-01-18T09:53:00.000-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling that you are more aware than others? That you are more in tune to the world around you and that you just get "it" and that most people are missing "it". This may be the feeling you get when you see the popularity of mock-celebrities such as Paris Hilton, hear about people falling over the newest diet fad (heard of the "texture diet"? This is the one in which each meal is made up of four different food items: one crunchy, one soft, one hot, and one cold. In addition, the plate must also be made up of foods that are in bold, contrasting colors), or when you look at the number of people who voted George W. Bush in for a second term.

I wouldn't say that I feel I am better than anyone else - though mind you, I may feel that way if and when I win a Pulitzer, til then I'm keeping a modest profile - but it's this awareness that you seem to understand more than others. Could it be that the world is just made up of the naive and non-naive and I just fall into the latter category? Well, no, that's probably not it since I did end up believing that by purchasing anti-aging products I could prevent non-existent wrinkles (stupid infomercial).

I think people have a need for wanting to feel both part of the crowd and singled out. We don't want to stray too far from the flock for fear that we won't be let back in and will be alone. But, at the same time, we want to stick out enough so that others see that we are special. It's an odd tug-o'-war. Of course there are those who will fall into extremes on either side of the spectrum, but what's the point of a spectrum if there are no extremes, right? You may think this is not true, ("who me? Want to be special? Nah, I'm fine just the way I am!") but we have all made some sort of attempt to get attention and make our mark - to be remembered.

Don't believe me? Everything from wanting to move up in a career, to joining Facebook (evilevilevil) and even creating a blog is a way to inform people that you are alive and have something of importance to contribute to the world before your chance is over. Heck, even the guy belting out schmaltzy love songs while strumming away on his gutiar in the subway station is vying for attention and maybe even hoping some sort of music producer will be so moved that he'll snatch him up right there and sign him to a million dollar contract.

So is it a bad thing? Should we be content with what we have rather than wonder how many friends you have on you MySpace page compared to your best friend? Hell no. What kind of prosaic life would that be. People would being to wander aimlessly in the streets, having no real goals. Girls wouldn't long for a signature Tiffany necklace in order to make their friends jealous. Guys wouldn't go near a shopping centre since they won't care about making a good impression. Scientists wouldn't race to finish their experimental trials in order to be the first to publish their findings. Dostoevsky would not have had a norm to revolt against with his existential views because there would be no norm.

Truth is, we need to have a bigger mass of people who are slightly naive and prefer to conform so that those who want to diverge from the crowd will have something to diverge from. Like it or not, without the ditzy teen queens of the popular media (I'm talking to you Hilton, Lohan, Spears), you wouldn't pay much attention to the ones who were "different" or making a significant contribution to the world (cue: Angelou, Ferrara, Klein, Maathai). Maybe these ladies in the latter category are more aware than the "ladies" in the former; they get "it".

P.S. I was kidding about the Pulitzer thing. I wouldn't think of myself as being better having won that. Now the Nobel prize...that's a different story...I'd totally be better than the non-Nobel prize winners.

New Year, New Blog: FAQs

2007-01-11T04:14:00.001-05:00

Why a new blog?
Why not?

No, really, why?
It's a new year, many things have changed and I wanted to start a new blog for a number of months now but decided to wait until the new year. Plus the URL for the old one never made much sense since I made it up in frustration when my many other choices failed (who knew babygirlangelstarchocolateluvrkittiesarecute would be taken?)

Are you keeping the old one?
I can't handle juggling more than 3 TV shows let alone the amount of work for school, so that'll be a "no". But I have moved over all the archives for my own sake, or in case I have a perturbed stalker who needs to know everything about me and will comb through 2 years worth of posts to find out more.

Will there be any difference between the old blog and this new one?
Not really. Though I had initially thought to change what I would post, I decided that it wouldn't have made sense since I'd eventually wander back to the same format.

What's with the title?
There's a very big reason why the phrase is important to me, and only one other person in the whole wide world knows what it means. That being said, this reason will not make sense or have meaning to anyone else in the whole wide world other than that one person. But the best part is that the title does have more than one meaning besides this super-top-secret one.

Chai is the word for tea in India, and from my understanding many other parts of South Asia and the Middle East. Chai is the first thing offered to guests and a daily ritual (like the use of coffee in North America) for everyone. There are a number of ways to prepare it but usually it's black tea that is boiled with water and milk to make the drink stronger.

I used the phrase "half a cup" because it shows my perspective on life; I'm not a glass-half-empty nor am I glass-half-full person but somewhere in the middle. And my family is of Indian heritage so it just fit in a lot of way.

Are things going to pick up on Lost when it starts again in February?
Good God I hope so.

Are you being endorsed by Lipton or Tetley now?
Though I would be game if an offer was ever sent my way to advertise either brand's products, I am not currently receiving any benefits. Though I will admit that I'm more partial to the Tazo Tea brand of teas, my favourite type being Awake (Tazo Tea reps, holla at cha girl, will you?)

Shouldn't you be studying rather than blogging?
No further questions, please. This concludes the Question and Answer segment of the blog. Please refer any further inquiries to the comments section and they may be addressed. Thank you.

I'd love to hear any suggestions, comment or crticism on the new blog but I'll accept silence as approval as well.

The Role of a Role Model

2006-12-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

Since about the time that I was in about the 6th grade all the way until the end of high school, I one step behind the other kids. More specifically, I felt light years behind the girls. Somehow all the girls I knew had older sisters and/or cousins who they learned all the cool things from. Be it about makeup, clothes, movies or high school social life (hey, I was a teenager - there was nothing else going on in my bubble other than these things), they always seem to have the upper hand. Maybe because they had someone at home to emulate, whereas I just had my little brother (no offense, bro).

I always envied this older sister thing everyone had - they seemed to know the rule of the world and how to live by it. Whereas I only found out what actually made Doc Martins genuine about two years after their popularity faded. They new about Beverly Hills: 90210 and Days of Our Lives what all the cool characters were upto that week, and I knew about Full House and Step by Step.

They were always great at acting older, a feat we all wanted at that age. Maybe this is why I've always felt younger than I was - by the time I caught up to what I should have known at my age, I was already older. Since they had older sisters, they got to wear makeup sooner (to the guys out there, this is equivalent to being able to shave for the first time) and I still hold back when it comes time for occassions where it's required to dress up.

How important is it to have a role model? I don't remember ever having one at all even until now. I could say my mom - though she and I have such different personalities that I don't truthfully see myself emulating her, though I do admire all her amazing qualities. And I do think I try to pick up things from friends and incorporate their traits into my personality or habits (the best form of flattery right?). But there's never been that one person I look up to for everything.

Quite possible that is because I don't like asking for help. It's always a "I'll figure it out for myself" attitude for me. Whether it be trying to change lanes while driving (I'll try to find an open space before I try to signal and shoot pleading looks at the driver behind me to let me into the lane) or getting the help of a doctor (who'll just shoo me off with a prescription for antibiotics, I'm sure) no matter how sick I am, I just don't like asking for help. Unless I'm in a situation that's sucking me in like quicksand, I won't go to anyone. Mind you at times it just might be too late, but I'd just prefer it that way.

Yes, I realize I'm crazy but it's not like I'll seek help for it, so don't try and suggest it.

"I am slowly going crazy...1, 2,3, 4, 5, 6 SWITCH...

2006-12-03T16:54:00.000-05:00

...Crazy going slowly am I....6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 SWITCH"

Who remembers that song!? So addictive.

Friends - I'm losing it. I'm staring at my computer now for maybe - likely - the 100th hour...I've lost count. And my sanity.

It's exam time - first set of law school exams ever. And many others out there are facing exam time too. To them I say: may God help you in your most needy hour and make sure all that you study sticks in your brain cells, and that you not go blank when the sheer terror that is the "test paper" is placed face down on your desk.

To those basking in the glow of freedom: Don't talk to me or come near me until Dec 15th. I may involuntarily hurt you.

I know all the lovely people will encourage me by saying, "you'll do great! You'll pass with such high flying colours that trapeze artists will be asking for tips!"

But to them I say, HOW DO YOU KNOW!? How do you know I won't CRASH AND BURN!? What if I go blank!?!? What if my laptop, only 5 months old, CRASHES on me while writing my exam!?! What if I colour in all the little bubbles on the Scantron sheet!?

HOW. DO. YOU. KNOW.

Okay...I think I'm passing out due to self-inflicted panic....

In Repair

2006-11-25T12:54:00.000-05:00

One of the (few) good things about getting older is that you inch closer to understanding who you are. The ultimate "who am I?" question plagues even the most diluted of minds. I had a mini breakthrough recently in cracking this question. It wasn't anything major - the clouds in the sky didn't part to make way for rays of sunlight to shine on me alone, nor were there trumpets of any kind. Though it would have been nice.

My revolutionary scope into the world found that only the very fortunate in this life will be able to succeed in following their dreams. Most are bogged down with the responsibilities and realities of life that they are obliged to divert from what they want, to what is most feasible. Some people give up before trying and some begin their attempt, but because of some X factor, have to jump ship. I fall into the former category.

Always being the good, obedient daughter that I still am, I gave up pining to be a journalist when I was 12 when my parents said that it wasn't suitable for a girl in my position to have to travel so much for her work, and wouldn't I be better off becoming a doctor? It offered more stability along with prestige. I rebelled for a little bit, not quite understanding why I was being pushed away from what I wanted. But eventually, I gave in and started telling myself I'd be a doctor until it became what I wanted.

Don't misunderstand me - I love my parents something fierce. They've always supported getting a higher education and having my own career. I know some South Asian families that had been searching for a prospective husband for their daughters since they were in the middle of their high school years. My parents have also always let me be stubborn and argue and talk back more than I think was appropriate, now that I look back. It's like they were proud to see me have my own opinions and let me go on saying what I wanted.

But, at the same time, their own social values and beliefs taught them that as a Muslim South-Asian girl, I had limits. I don't blame them for this. I'm the luckiest girl to have such wonderful people to call my own parents. These ideals were imbedded in their minds as children because that's the society they grew up in in India. No one thought the other way because there was no other way. Being brought up in Canada while having the values of an Indian-Muslim home brought a lot of confusion and frustration. Why was my brother was allowed to stay out late and not me? Why could he do whatever he wanted with his life, marry late and it would be ok, while I was given a predetermined list of vocations along with a expiration date to my singlehood?

It's like accepting Santa Claus as a part of the birth of Jesus - you don't question it or fight it. Just take the candy canes he hands out, pass by the tiny elves adorned in green and red, and weave your way through the crowded shopping malls.

Medical school didn't work out because it unfortunately took me until the 2nd year of university to understand my loathing for chemistry, cell biology, physics and calculus (to the point that I had a dream I was writing an endless calculus exam alone in an exam hall and couldn't leave until I got every anwer correct) - all which you need to make it into med school.

**********************

*flashback* Dec 2002: Well now that I've dropped my Life Sciences classes, what do I do? Who will I be? Try the journalist thing again - nope, I know what the response will be to that. Photojournalist? No they'll think I want to photograph weddings. Psychiatrist? I've always wanted to do that too. Nope, they don't want me dealing with "crazy" people...think I'll become crazy too. Psycologist? I wanted to do that badly too. I'm a great listener and advice-giver and I like helping people. No...more crazy people. Well...there's law. I've always held a big interest in it, I'm good at analyzing, making arguments, and um...fibbing. Sounds good - respectable, no travel, time to have a family. Ok - here we go.

**********************

And the rest is history. Again, don't misconstrue what I'm saying to think I'm dropping out of law school. I'm really enjoying classes and love the material and I'm proving to adapt well to everything. But I still wonder if I'd be better at something I've wanted more. Maybe I'd end up just finding work as a writer for the small local city newspaper, reporting on the Christmas parade that happened down Main Street over the weekend. Or, I'd be next in line to replace Diane Sawyer, though I'd be terrified of the camera, so I'd settle for being Editor of a major paper like the Toronto Star, or New York Times (I could really get used to bossing around people as a part of my job description...).

How many engineers, doctors and who-knows-what are out there doing something they were pressured into doing? I wonder what people really want out of their own lives, but the sad truth is people aren't as honest as they should be in life. There's nothing wrong in admitting you failed, or changed your mind. Though once you're past the point of no return, you can't bear the thought of the probing questions if you decide to drop out:

Person 1: "Umm yeah, I left med school because it just wasn't for me".
Person 2 (thinking): "Yeah sure buddy, you so got kicked out didn't you?! Who leaves med school by choice?"

But I guess we never know anything do we? We shake the dice, pray to God we get our lucky number and make our move from there on. There's no way to go back and change mistakes and decisions. We have to plow ahead and work through it all and see where we end up.

I also wanted to be a pilot, but even I wouldn't want to be in a plane that I was operating...

All I want for Christmas...

2006-11-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

Canon Digital Rebel XTi/EOS 400D
(Click image to find out more...)

Now accepting cash, credit or cheque for the "Get AKA a better camera" fund.
Just a one time donation of $10 from 100 people is all it takes. See me for details.

Forget Chocolate...

2006-11-19T11:41:00.000-05:00

Not literally of course, more rather, forget the saying "life is like a box of chocolates" (sorry, Forrest).

I've finally figured it out. "It" being life. I know philosophers have spent centuries trying to understand life and it's mysteries, but it only took me the amount of time as it takes to order a large double-double at Tim Horton's to understand it all. Though the chocolate analogy works to describe the randomness of life, I've found another analogy that nails it in the head: basketball.

Pretty much everything (or at least all the scenarios in my own life) can be broken into quarters that work like a bsketball game. For realzies. Check this:

1st Quarter
You start the game off, get a feel for the court and the other team you're playing against. You learn and adapt skills you need to cover the opponent team's players. You have a bit of pressure to do well, but being just the first quarter, anything could happen so it's way too early to say how the game will end.

Compare this to when you a kid and teenager. You're starting to learn small life lessons, what type of friends you are apt to make. Your parents teachings get drilled in your head. You either take to them (fish : water) or rebel (oil : water) or maybe just mix to form a different consistency (Kool-Aid : water).

2nd Quarter
Now you've settled into your game. Maybe had a few change-ups from what the starting lineup was, but you're still in the game, maybe having pulled yourself together and gaining on the other team by using your knack for maneuvering around the opponents. You may accidentally knock a couple players down, causing the referee to call a foul and give the other team the shots from the free-throw line. You realize that being so invested in the game now means you have to make smart decisions and plan for the next half of your game.

Compare this to your late teens to early thirties. You've made mistakes, learned that life can bully you around, things won't always work the way you want them to. You won't have all the same friends from your high school years, but will find new people that fit better with your temperment. You're in the real world. You learn from experiences and come to decide what type of person you are and want to be in your future. This helps you decide morals, lifestyle and career.

Half-time
First half is over. Time to go to the locker room, rework your game plan and go over new plays. You fret over the mistakes made in the first half but know that the next half is what counts for everything.

Quarter-life crisis: where are you? Where are you going? Is it worth going there? No more room for mistakes because now you're in the real world, and your mistakes only hurt you. But there's time to make up for your slip-ups as long as you stay focused.

3rd Quarter
Back in the game. Fresh start. New players. The fans are more focused and keyed up to see you win. New strategy in place, you go at the game with more drive. Make the plays and score the points that will make it to the game recap on ESPN. Maybe even the week's best plays overview. Scoring with well-timed plays count for everything becuase you're trying to get ahead of the other team.

You're in your 30s now. New people enter your life. Family and friends root for your success in your personal and work life. You're enthused to do well in both to make a good life for yourself. Possibly marriage, kids, a house, a mortgage, promotions: you get acknowledged for your contributions to all of these. You try to save up for your future, and create some sort of stability and security.

4th Quarter.
You're either close behind or ahead of the other team. Either way, you have to keep up and maintain your lead. The coach's strategies may shift to more tense ones where you're calling more fouls and making sure your starting line-up players are back in the game for the crucial moments. You need to maintain your hold on the opponent because in this game, anything can happen at any time. There's no way to know who will come out as the better clutch player and save the day. Because of the intensity you make amazing drives to the basket and long-range shots. The buzzer goes off and everything is decided. You either won or lost. No over-time allowed.

In your 40s through your senior years. Investments in all aspects of your life will show if they have profited: your (potential) children grow up, go out into the world and show you what they've learned from you, financial ventures will either be profitable or not, you finalize retirement plans. There's no real way to turn anything around - you keep striving ahead. Then the inevitable death happens. And who knows what happens after this point.

Post-Game Comments

I don't know if this is morbid for anyone, to see life laid out so bluntly. But for most people it's true, obviously a little more detailed though. To many this is a satisfying life and to some others there needs to be more excitement and a lot more on the line (think playoff time) for their life to be fulfilling. I don't know which of these I am. I think I'm stuck in between to be honest - I want the stability and normalcy of a planned out life, but at the same time I'm yearning for there to be a little more substance. At this point I can't say anthing (being only in the 2nd quarter). What I do know is that I am a clutch player. I will screw up now (and I do), but God willing, if I live long enough to make it through the "4th quarter", I perform well enough under pressure to know that I'll come out winning in the end.

And yes, I don't like Kobe Bryant. It's borderline eternal-hate. And it's not a recent hate that developed when he did his 81-point-record thing. Though it grew at that point when I saw him sink shot after shot against the Raptors. But I've hated him since he came into the NBA as a rookie way back when. Don't ask why - it just is.

NaNoWriMo

2006-11-10T22:15:00.000-05:00

I went back and forth about posting this.

Have ever had some deep hidden talent or desire and wanted to tell people about it but were afraid of what they would say or think about you and your ability to do it? I envy those who have no idea what I'm talking about - either because they don't have such a hidden desire or have actually gone out and fulfilled it. Being in this limbo state is what drives you crazy.

I'm known (to those who know me well enough) for not going through with things. Not the greatest thing to be known for. I'll start off excited and enthusiastic with an idea or project, but just as quickly lose interest. Maybe I need to be on amphetamines (the partially-legal kind). I don't know what it is, but I tend to back down on a lot of things I want to say or do. Luckily this blog came along (2 year anniversary this week...who'd have thought) and somehow I've stuck with it...for now.

So there's this thing I want to do. Tried doing it. Then stopped. Then started. And now stopped again. Only a couple people have known about it and they have been as lovely and supporting as I could hope for. But despite their encouragement I haven't followed through with it.

What worsens my folly of not completing things is my keenness to procrastinate. Deadly combination. Why do it today if I can do it tomorrow. Heck, it's the reason why I've got my Contracts book open but have somehow wandered away from it now.

Excuses. These are all just excuses someone will tell me. And even though I'll agree with them, I'll still keep using them. And pretty convincingly, I may add.

So what's my hidden aspiration?

I want to write a novel.

There. Said it - it's out for the world to see. And now I'm cringing as I write this fully knowing that I will not post this even though I am fervently typing away.

Or maybe I will. Or maybe I'll post it for a day, realize I'm being stupid and then delete it.

What I did do was sign up for NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month. And as a participant I'm given a month to finish a novel and submit it to the site to add to their word count.

Despite my procrastinating attitude, I work well under pressure, and a this seemed like a good kick-in-the-pants way to get started. Though to be fair, I've only found out about it today, and so I'm late getting started.

I've had many ideas for a novel since being interested in writing long ago. I have one major idea that I keep going back to and hope that if I ever do take the plunge, that will be the first one I do. I won't reveal the storyline - I haven't told anyone that - just that it's based on a true story in my life and one that's very dear to me. For the NaNoWriMo I've opted for a lighter and more fun story though, but with so much happening with school, who knows if I'll meet my "deadline".

Even though I'm nervous to tell people about this desire to write, I thought putting it out there would put more pressure on me to actually complete something of substance. I think the three people I've actually told this to before will be very happy.

Moreover, I'm doing it for myself. But any and all words of encouragement or criticism would be appreciated (though keep the criticism on medium heat - I'm fragile). I'll thank you back when the book-based movie comes out.

Wish me luck.

It happened again

2006-11-10T12:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, this happened again...only it's the second hit you see rather than the first...I'll move up eventually

...muahaha...ha..

Here and there

2006-11-08T19:16:00.000-05:00

I think Eminem was in the car behind me when I was driving home from Toronto today. Though it's not as fancy a car as I think he'd drive, I'm convinced it was him - the tattoos gave him away.

When I was a kid I loved the "moving" lights around marquee signs. You know the ones that make it seem like the light is moving around and around, but it's only the well-timed flashing of each bulb (I won't tell you how long it took me to figure that one out).

I also loved hot air balloons. Still do. How cool would it be to go up in one?!

~~The duck is finally gone.~~
Update: 10/11/2006 01:27am: It's back.

I find it odd that I have more shows that I'm watching now than before. Who knew TV would have gotten so good the last couple years. You know you're too into a show when you're yelling at the TV. I strained my voice while watching Prison Break the other day.

The more you get used to speeding on the highway, the slower it seems.

Yesterday, a lady in the cosmetics department said she thought I was 16. I could have jumped over the counter and hugged her. I couldn't tell who was happier - me or my mom.

Seinfeld is a timeless show. I'm rediscovering it now thanks to TBS while eating my dinner.

NEVER underappreciate the value of a large double-double Tim Horton's coffee. You'll miss it when it's gone.

I can't watch horror movies. The last one I attempted to was was Saw I - I could only sit through the first 20 minutes before I shut off the TV, removed the DVD from the DVD player, put it back in the case and put it in my bag to be returned the next day. It was 4:00pm on a weekday when everyone was home.

Britney Spears filed for divorce from her husband. I wonder how much that lawyer will make...

I'd choose Diet Pepsi before Coke Zero, and Coke Zero before Diet Coke. I'd never choose Coca-Cola Blak

Harry Potter is not overrated (!)

Of all the great thing in life, 50% all chocolate post-Halloween has to be one of them

In Living Colo(u)r

2006-11-02T06:12:00.000-05:00

(preamble: colour, color...what's the difference? I'm getting flack for changing my Canadian spellings to the American version. Listen, I'm a perfectionist - I can't handle the squiggly red underlining in MS Word when it recognizes my Canadian spellings as "incorrect" - it bugs me to no end so I've given in. Plus, when in Rome...)

One of my earliest memories of being singled out for being different was in grade 2 ("2nd grade" for the Americans, as my cousins are always quick to point out) when a boy in my class persisted in taunting me by calling me "Paki". I was a naive kid (probably still am) and not having any older siblings, I had to figure a lot our for myself. I didn't learn the bad words before the others kids, I didn't get advice on what houses to go to for Halloween for the best candy, or even what university would be better for me. Being the eldest means you're the trial-and-error child. Parents make the mistakes with you and your younger siblings benefit from the lesson learned from the mistakes. My mom, for example, learned to bundle her children tighter so they don't fall (don't run out to get Social Services, it was an accident and was more of a fumble than a "fall").

What was I talking about? Yes - being singled out. So when this kid started calling me a Paki, I had no clue what it meant since I'd never heard the word before in my life. Even if someone were to explain it to me, I'd probably still be confused because my parents are from India. Him being a homegrown white kid and me being the new kid at the school and one of the only brown-tones ones (this was way back before the corruption of Brampton folks...waayyyyy back when) I didn't really catch on that he was taunting my race.

I knew I was different. The other kids ate a lot of casseroles and mac 'n' cheese, whereas I had roti and rice as my staples. But I didn't think my difference meant anything. This kid (first name Shane, last name I can't remember but when I do, boy is he going to get the egging of a lifetime) obviously picked it up from somewhere that the word "Paki" was derogatory and was to be labelled on anyone who was of medium to darker brown skin.

I'd just moved from Toronto to Brampton, where in the former there were many people from different backgrounds, many who shared mine. I may have just figured that the kids in my new class would accept me as I was, like i had been in my other school. Looking back I think I'd be hated on not only by Shane, but also by my grade 3 teacher (first name not known - teachers didn't have first names, just Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mr - last name Ferguson). She was always rude to my mom and seemed to pick on me compared to the other kids. The last more blatant episode being when I worked at a certain housewares store about 5 years ago and right after 9/11 when my manager found out I was Muslim she started being rude towards me and gave me fewer shifts (later, after I left, I found she was demoted in the company for other reasons. I know I shouldn't but - muahahaha).

Do you still feel like you are different? Still feel prejudice or racism wherever you go? I think we're so PC-crazy that we're not likely to make our true feeling known, but many people still carry prejudices underneath. Stereotypes being the lighter form of them (see: Chris Rock, Russell Peters, Dave Chappelle).

My brother recently said he doesn't think hate exists anymore. I think he's the naive one (no offence meant, bro). Differences are tolerated more maybe, goes back to the PC-craze, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

But thinking about it can make you paranoid. Everytime you interact with someone of a different race, nationality, religion or occupation you'll start to wonder if it's because of your colour. "Is the old lady by the dairy section eyeing me? Do I have something on my face? Is it my face!? Come to think of it, I just caught that bearded man looking at me weird too. Or did I?"

A (white) friend of mine once said she doesn't ever think about a person's colour. No, she's not colourblind - it just that her race or another person's just doesn't ever enter her mind when she interacts with them. I envy her. It may just be different experiences I've had, but it's always on my mind when I meet someone. It's not that I'd treat someone differently based on their race, but it just, unconsciously, adjusts my behaviour. It probably goes with the "birds of a feather" saying but many times people, will makes friends with other people of the same race. This being mostly found with people of the South-asian persuasion. In high school, if you hung out with the other brown kids, you were ok (there were/are degrees within that group as well). If you hung out with the white kids, you were white-washed. You hung out with the black kids, you wanted to be thugified. You hung out with the Oriental kids, you were an engineer.

That's still stayed with me. Pretty much all of my close friends are all of the same background as me. I do have good friends of other races (is that a word?) but we never all hang out together. And you see that trend with other groups as well throughout university and outside the workplace (co-worker friends don't count, you don't choose them, you're stuck together). Is that racist? Are we purposely excluding people of other races to seek out people of our own? Does that make me as bad as Shane, even though I'm not as vulgar or blatant about it?

Being in a small city hasn't helped. Back home the south-asian populations is...overwhelming. But here, I feel singled out again. A little vulnerable and under the microscope. I thought people were generally really nice here until a girl I met of a Somalian background told me many times it's just a front. People ask me where I'm from and when I reply "Canada" they always look puzzled.
"No, I mean where are you from?" they ask again.
Maybe they mean city? "Toronto," I reply.
"But where were you born" they will persist.

It's at this point that I catch on, but dependingon the manner in which it's asked I'll reply differently. If it's a politely inquisitive manner:
"I was born in Toronto, though my background is from India"
"Ahhh" at last a response that makes sense.

Give me an insolent and cheeky approach, and I'll give you one back (actual conversation):
>>"What do you mean where? I was born in Toronto. In a hospital. Not a mud hut"
> "What about your parents then. What nationality are they" he said with an exasperated expression.
>>"Well they have Canadian citizenship" I said calmly.
> "They're not from Canada though right?" he gives me the half-smirk with one raised eyebrow.
>>"They're not? Maybe the government gave them the wrong passport?"
> "I mean RACE" he spits out.
>>"Human..?"
> "Never mind."
>>"They came to Canada from India, if that's what you were trying to get at" I finally say, also with one raised eyebrow.
> "Oh ok. That's what I was asking."
>>"What about your family?"
> "Oh we're all Canadian"
>>"Then how is your last name 'Varadalos'?

This post could go on forever and it seems I've been writing it for that long. And the more I write, the more I censor. So I'm going to abruptly cut myself off here before I start delving into a number of other issues that start to spark in my mind when this topic comes up. The topic itseld has no obvious conclusion - it never will. In the end we have to figure out for ourselves how we're going to look at the world. Sorry for the lengthiness of the post.

All in a day's work.

2006-11-01T08:43:00.000-05:00

It's 9am. A new work/school day has begun. You arrive at work/school, rosy-cheeked and fueled with caffiene ready to begin a new day of challenges and complete goals. You hang up your coat, set your bag down set down your travel coffee cup, hop into your imitation-leather chair and log into your computer or laptop.

The day wouldn't start of on the right foot if you didn't check your email. After all, the last time you check it was 10pm last night. It's been 11 HOURS. The number of communcations you could have missed makes you almost light-headed. And just so you can be ahead of the game, you log into MSN Messenger/Yahoo Messenger/AIM just in case someone else needs to get in touch with your right away, they shouldn't have to go through the hassle of an e-mail.

"AH! An alert from BirthdaysAlarm.com. I would have completely forgot her birthday had I not had this. Saved! Oh and I got my weekly Kraft Cooking e-magazine. Great recipes to try! Oh and look a forward, well that's silly - I'll just delete that...after I skim through it. It's one of those surveys everyone fills out, I'll just check out what my friend wrote..."

10 minutes later, after filling in your own answers and forwarding it on to your 10 email-forward buddies, you decide to mosey on to your blog list.

Starting off with your favourite blog and going over in your mind how great it is, you go through your checklist of other websites that need daily checking-up-on: the "other" blogs, gossip sites, sports scores, headline news, comics.

By this time either it's 11am and your coworkers start filtering in and out of your office to say their greetings and catch-up on what sensational happenings they've missed out on in your life since leaving your side at 5pm the evening before. Once you've debated over whether Tom Cruise's child is an alien or not you realize some proof that you've done actual work-your-paid-to-do must be present for you to legitimately be able to go to lunch in an hour. So you strap down, change your MSN Messenger status to "Busy - DND!!!" and get to work. Boss passes by and nods in approval when he/she sees you hards at work. Notes your name down for that next promotion.

-OR-

You realize there are other students around you typing away on their laptops and that tiny distant but persistent voice in your head you've heard since 9am is actually the professor lecturing. Glancing at the minimized Word document you realize that "Week 8 notes. An executory accord is an accord that hasn't --" may not carry you through to final exams. You furiously start tapping away on your keys, straining to look at the laptop on the desk ahead of you (if only that guy would lean to the left and get his big head out of the way) to copy down bits of notes that you can fill in later. Then, the professor calls on you. Luckily, you've copied down just enough to get the gist of what's been going on in class and give a flawless answer - thoughtful and concise - enough to impress the professor so that she puts a little star next to your name and knows to go easy on you because you obviously know your stuff.

It's 12pm. Your stressful day has finally found a moment of serenity. You grab your coat and money and head over to the office door next to yours to see if your co-worker is ready to go out for lunch as planned in the IM she sent you a half hour ago.

-OR-

It's 12pm and you've made is successfully through another Contracts class and can wait to get home so you can catch a couple hours of sleep before Oprah. You think about what to make for dinner - that recipe in the Kraft email seemed easy enough. Sounds good. Another day suffered through and a break well earned.

And to add to the list of Must-be-checked-daily-websites: The 9 (not the TV show - it's a countdown of the most popular things on the web)

Flickr finally functioning

2006-10-31T13:14:00.000-05:00

After using Yahoo! Pictures for so long, I finally activated my Flickr account which I'd forgotten about. Much better for organizing pictures online. Here's the link to my Flickr site. I've only got about 6 pictures up so far but will slowly add all the others in. (Don't worry, no pictures of me)

One penny short of a quarter

2006-10-30T12:00:00.000-05:00

Well. It's here. B-Day (not the album...my birthday).

I'm (sort of) over the anxiety of turning 24, but what the actual depressing part of the day is being away from family and friends. I know it's childish, but not being home for Eid and my birthday has left this whole month pretty bleak.

But, I am here for a specific purpose (I guess...[see? More bitterness]). I feel like I'm having a Gilmore Girls moment - though I've never watched the show (only the ads) - and am thinking about what the future holds and how this next year will be very different from the last. I'm staying positive and though I know that no matter how many candles I blow out, all my wishes won't come true, I'm just praying for the best.

What did I learn this year? That I have a the love and support of a lot of good people. That it's not as scary to move away from home as I'd thought. And that it's not that hard to cook (I'm happy and proud to report that I made a cheesecake today. ME. BAKE. It was fantabulous.). I'm sure there were more small lessons learned, but the good thing about those are that you adapt them to your life in such a way that you don't even realize you're doing it.

So I know this won't be the best of birthdays, but I'm going home this coming weekend and my favourite aunt from California is coming down too so it will be good to spend time with everyone then. And at the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, I think now is the point in your life where you realize the it's not the day itself, but how you celebrate it. Right now I'm celebrating having everything I'm fortunate to have and being on the path I'm following.

Wow, I sound so grown up.

Damn it.

[Update 3:47pm -- I thought I had a harsh case of denial to the point that I refuse to acknowledge my age until the actual time I was born (5:15pm), my father took it one step further and said that since the nurses didn't come out to tell him about me until 5:30pm, he'll hold out until then to accept I'm 24 - now you all know where I get it from. My mom on the other hand called about 11pm last night and said that if it hadn't been for Daylight Savings just a couple days ago, it would already be my birthday so she was just wishing me at 11pm because she was sleepy and didn't want to wait until midnight and it was pretty much my birthday and I was now 24. My brother took after her. There's still time to mold the little one to accept my view; 7 year olds have no set dispositions.]

The hand is quicker than the eye...

2006-10-29T13:05:00.000-05:00

Warning: The follow is not for the queasy

David Blane freaks me out.

I am convinced he is not of this world. Or at least the normal part of it. I've come to believe there are people on this earth who are special and have "talents" (I'm not talking about the show Heroes..thought it's an awesome show) and David Blane must be one of them. I haven't seen much of David Copperfield and I know he's a talented magician, but his tricks usually consist of tricking the mind's eye and things like that. David Blane is on a whole other level. It's not only his public stunts: living in a cube of ice for a week, standing on top of a freestanding beam for I don't know how long, and then his latest stunt of living 7 days in a sphere filled with water.

I've seen (on TV) him LEVITATE. I don't think that was the magic of TV; there were real people freaking out in the different places he did it. Then one time he took this lady's watch, made it disappear and then reappear after about 5 seconds BEHIND a glass window of a jewelry store that was closed.

Just now I saw him PULL OUT two teeth from a girl's mouth WITH HIS HANDS - the girl could put her tongue in between the spaces - and then he just blew a puff of air at her AND THE TEETH WERE BACK IN HER MOUTH. This was all at a Las Vegas casino with tons of people around. Ok - maybe the girl was in on it somehow. I'll give you that. But how did the teeth get back in her mouth when he blew at her!?

Oh. My. God. The man just put a sewing needle THROUGH the middle of his hand.

I couldn't find that video since the special is airing on TLC right now. But here's some other clips of him. The chicken one (the last of the three) is sick, fascinating and freaky all at the same time.

Blogge(red)

2006-10-24T00:36:00.000-04:00

Normally, I'm all for any campaign that brings to attention the problems in the world in a way that attracts the attention of the public. The popular silicone bands that come in a rainbow of colours representing different causes were a good way to do this (LiveStrong [the yellow bands], Make Poverty History [white band], breast cancer [pink band] etc).

There's a new, popular campaign started by Bono (who else?) of U2 called (PRODUCT)^RED
where a number of popular brands are selling red versions of their product - a red iPod Nano, red American Express card, a line of clothing by the Gap and Armani and so on. A portion of the profits will go to anti-retroviral medicine for women and children in Africa to prevent the spread of AIDS.

It's a commendable effort. Whatever the intention of the many celebrities involved (everyone from Steven Spielberg, Kanye West, Oprah and Christy Turlington... they've even got Dakota Fanning) - whether for the attention or for the actual want to help the cause, the campaign itself is gaining attention. People want what celebrities advertise and buying the Red products shows they're in with the current fad and have the latest merchandise.

I do have a few problems with this though. The whole idea behind "portion of profits" - how much is that exactly? Would it not be better for the company to simply make a donation? Not only would this get more medicine, but it will also get where it's needed faster. When you consider the cost of designing, producing and promoting the special red-ified products, it would make for a hefty donation.

Second, I don't understand how ethical it is for a company like the Gap, notorious for its sweatshops, to exploit one group of people in a Third World country and pass along money to others in similar conditions. The Gap, if anything, is sustaining, if not increasing, the gap between current conditions and those which are hoped for.

I know the Gap has, in recent years, attempted to become more responsible. They've supposedly put monitoring systems into place in many of their 3000 factories, spread over 50 countries, to make sure conduct is up to the standards of the Calvert Group and other anti-sweatshop organizations.
However, the Gap refuses to provide information on specific factories and the "monitoring systems" are actually people employed by them to be full-time inspectors. These inspectors are only found at factories that are independently unionized, which only a tiny fraction of countries have.
In economies that are paying poverty wages, when people have no rights and no power, what you end up monitoring are well-run prisons. Sure, factories will be cleaned up. They'll have bathrooms where the water runs. But when it comes to wages, when it comes to having a democratic voice on the shop floor, monitoring and codes of conduct are a dead end.

Back to my point. The Gap, Armani and many others still have questionable practices. It's difficult to monitor with a blind eye.

Lastly, my biggest problem is with the people. Rather than push the issue itslef at people, they're pushing a red Motorola RAZR phone. Or slogans on t-shirts such as "INSPI(RED)", "HAMME(RED)", "BO(RED)" and "DESI(RED)" - I get the first one, but the last three have nothing to do with AIDS or the actual issue of helping reduce the spread of it through medicine. The average teen may not understand how anti-retroviral medicine can help someone halfway around the world, but that doesn't make an excuse for not educating them about it. How is a kid supposed to gain knowledge if it's not accessible?

In the end, the Red products are just a way for the participating companies to pimp their already well-known products back into the market as a new item by slapping a new coat of shiny paint on them, just in time for the fast approaching Christmas season.

This brings it back to the age old question: Do the ends justify the means?

Maybe so. Despite the rogue intentions of the corporations and the glazed minds of most of the buyers of the products, aid will be getting to those who need it. Aid, which sadly, may not have gotten to them before, will now reach those who need it because more of the world's eye will be focused on the troubled areas to see if the goal of PRODUCT(RED) has been reached.

My verdict? Get inspi(red) on your own and take step you think will best support your beliefs.

If you want to keep up-to-date with the campaign, they even have a blog:

(Though I have to say, I really love this spoof...)

10 days and counting...

2006-10-20T01:12:00.000-04:00

I feel old. My birthday is in exactly 10 days and I'll be 24 (though a friend did try to expedite my aging process by one year and thought I'd be 25...scared the bejeezes out of me) and though I know in technical terms I'm not old, it's that point in life where you feel you alone are carrying the weight of the world alone on your frail shoulders.

Quarter-life crisis? Probably. I'd hate to admit that I fell face-first into it, but I think it's just a rite of passage you have to go through, consciously or unconsciously. It's the worst feeling to be so restless. I thought it would settle down once starting law school, but it's only gotten more complex. Or am I making it complex? Or...maybe, it's gotten complex and I'm only making it worse. Each day that you experience tends not to make you wiser but more aware. Although, Confucius say that greater awareness makes for a wiser man. Yes but Confucius also said:

At 30, I took my stand;

At 40, I no longer had doubts;

At 50, I knew the will of the heavens;

At 60, my ear was attuned;

At 70, I follow all the desires of my heart without breaking any rule

So he was either asleep, or high on Chinese herbs while in his 20s. I guess, had he been willing to part with an opinion, he would say that in your 20s, your forming the character that will serve you through the rest of your years (great, add more stress to my already stressed state of mind).

Forcing myself to look on the positive side, I would think it's good for us to be aware that this is the time to build your character, regardless of how old we feel doing it. The more conscious of it that you are, the better you can tune in and out the qualities you want in yourself.

But rather than looking to a 6th century BCE Chinese philosopher, I turned to the age-old trusted source for guidance. Rock stars. In the words of John Mayer (a genius, I tell you).

Top Ten Signs You've Hired a Bad Lawyer

2006-10-18T09:21:00.000-04:00

10. Begins every sentence with "Well, as Ally McBeal once said..."

9. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla vs. Mothra.

8. Just before your trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

7. He thinks he'll win your case, "because there's a first time for everything"

6. He once failed to get a conviction of O. J. Simpson.

5. Whenever he says, "Your Honor" he makes thos elittle quotation marks in the air.

4. Sign in front of law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:45"

3. Begins by telling jury, "You all look like you should be on Jerry Springer"

2. Giggles every time he hears the word "briefs"

1. His phone number: 1-600-SHYSTER

[Source: Late Show with David Letterman, June 03, 1998]

Don't knock it 'til you try it.

2006-10-16T01:43:00.000-04:00

Who doesn't like bubblewrap? I do! Even though it scared the pajamas off of me when I first moved in to my apartment and stepped on some while unpacking and immediately went into a crouched position thinking it was gunshots - it's Michigan folks, they're notorious for crime aren't they?? (Wipe that smirk off your face).

True, I'm on the 7th floor, and there's no other building across from me, so it would be near impossible for anyone to shoot into the apartment from outside (but it could happen...you never know), but being alone for the first time and it being 1am threw my nerves into the orange zone. And I didn't over-react did I? I'm sure any of you would have done the same. I'm just the only one to admit it.

Back to my original reason for posting. VIRTUAL BUBBLEWRAP!!!!!!! The coolest thing since...well, actual bubblewrap. I know it's not as good as the reall stuff, but until my fear of plastic-air-filled-bubbles doesn't die down, this will have to do.

P.S. Try manic mode. And make sure to turn the volume up high, otherwise it doesn't work...

The fall of fall

2006-10-13T00:28:00.000-04:00

Umm, excuse me? Mother Nature? Sorry to bother you. I understand this is a busy time with all the changes that are going on with the climate everywhere. But I hate to point out that you sorta skipped a season.

It's not that important, really. It's just, one day I looked out and there was bright sunshine, calm breeze and all-round pleasantness, then many days of rainstorms, which I adore. But then, as I drove home yesterday I noticed all the leaves were yellow - no green to red to orange then yellow, it was a green to yellow. I must admit my shock. True, I have been holed up in my apartment for the last two weeks studying for mid-terms, but I have occassionally looked out the window, for instance when I sneezed and lost track of where I was in my Contracts book, and even though that moment was brief, I didn't see any signs of fall.

And I will also admit that fall is my favourite time of year, and it's not because my birthday is during this season (though, yes, it is a big factor - coming up in 2 weeks, thanks), but everything seems crisp and ready to change that it's just beautiful.

But this year MN (can I call you that?) we seemed to have skipped from later-summer weather to winter - there was a blizzard of FLURRIES today MN. FLURRIES. And not the rain, wet-snow type flurry. The type of flurry that collects and builds up on the car windows. That, MN, is full-out snow. The type that made me get out my touque. And I rarely get that out.

Is this a Michigan thing? Or, has the US skipped on the season of fall when they decided to change day-light savings? Is it to economize? Is it because it's the most volatile of seasons? I understand the government here doesn't like that.

Whatever the reason MN, I really do love fall and was very sad to not see it come and go. I don't mind the winter all that much. Except for the freezing rain. We have to talk about that. It's not helping anyone really, so why? And I ain't mad at cha - I know mistakes happen - I just wanted you to know how I feel.

Maybe next year?

To all the doubters

2006-10-08T19:01:00.000-04:00

This is just to show up alllll the people who told me I was nuts and gave me flack (you know who you are - everyone except my BFFs Sarah and Roohi...much love) when I tried to bring back the word "swanky" (as evidenced in this post last year). Y'all didn't believe in my vision, but now you know I'm right...behold:Yes, you heard it from me first...then the Fortune 500 company came along and stole it (how very like them). You can have your flack back...Jack...

I know...I've got too much time on my hands...stop looking at me like that...seriously....stop.

Look Who's Talking

2006-10-03T15:58:00.000-04:00

People who know me often ask why I want to be a lawyer. They're actually more interested in how they think I'll manage to be a lawyer. I don't blame them. Mention a lawyer and you picture a suave, fast-talking, sly person - something I'm told I never am or could be.

In most settings, classroom or otherwise, I'm normally the quiet girl who sits in the corner only speaking when spoken to. Even in most group settings that's me. Why? Don't know. Possibly because I'd rather observe and listen to what people are saying and how they're saying it. This won't make me a bad lawyer, but a better one. I know lawyers have a bad reputation, but it's always the bad ones that stick out more. The good ones are those who acutally take the time to listen, formulate a good argument and win for the sake of the person they're defending. Yes, most are after the money, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to do well in terms of money. I don't want to trample over people in the process of doing it, but use as much of my skills possible to get me there. I know may one day eat my words (many people telling me that all people start off like me, but eventually end up corrept and money-hungry) but for now I'm tired of defending not only my choice of profession but myself.

I'll always be an introvert - it's just who I am. I have learned to come out of my shell more and more as years pass by. Working in a bank helped that a lot (when you have to argue with people twice your age, it happens). And I'm sure soon I'll be comfortable with myself enough to be more forward. Right now I shrink back from a lot of things because I'm overly self-conscious.

Today I had a mini-breakthrough (baby steps folks) - I actually raised my hand in class to make a point during a case. Of course I fought with myself in my head for awhile before doing it. The professor had called on someone else to brief one of the cases from our readins and after discussing it he paused to ask if anyone had any questions. That's when I surprised myself by shooting my hand in the air. It took me by surprise when the professor called on me - I had to look at my arm to make sure it was mine that was up. I could feel face blushing (that's got to be the most annoying reflex humans have) and I quickly blurted out my point.

The prof, who's a really great guy all around, smiled and thanked me and said it was really good and started a different discussion on it. He even later came back during another case briefing to the point I had brought up (it was about liability of the city to maintain the installed waterpipes in the city...not the most earth-shattering stuff). If I were in kindergarten, I'd have a gold start on the board next to my name (they should really continue that through university - I totally think it'd motivate people! It's a GOLD star for crying out loud!).

I know to many this whole scenario seems pointless. And maybe it was in the big picture. But it's just relieving to know that we don't stay the same person. There are always small changes happening in our every day lives, some we may not notice for months and some which others may call us out on. Obviously, change is good and bad. But as much as I've ranted on how much I hate change, it's slowly seeping in that it just may have a positive side.

Just when you thought it was safe to go into the kitchen...

2006-09-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

Being Ramadan, the month of fasting, Muslims like myself get up early before dawn and have an even earlier meal. It's always hard to stomach this meal because most of the time we're half-asleep and eager to eat, pray and get back into our warm beds. Though as I've grown older, I've come to appreciate this pre-dawn tradition more, it still makes for a quick and small meal, despite the fact that this meal is to tide us over until sunset when we break our fast. Normally, I have no problem - no pangs of hunger or urges to stuff a candy bar down my throat. My routine consists of cereal and maybe a slice of toast in the morning and then dinner in the evening.

Today was different. Today was the day I decided to give myself a small treat for studying so hard, and to sympathize with myself over the fact that this is my first Ramadan away from my family so I'm alone in the mornings. This treat was pancakes.

Like I said, normally, I can barely understand what I'm putting in my mouth let alone actually make it (Mom was always great for that). But it was 4am and I had trouble sleeping and hadn't eaten much the evening before, so I thought I'd get up to make myself some pancakes, go back to sleep, and wake up for pre-dawn prayers.

It started out well, seeing as how the kitchen is still unchartered territory for me. I got out my (pre-mixed) batter, added my egg amd milk, mixed, and heated up my non-stick pan. First pankcake came out almost-perfectly round, well-cooked on both sides and just the right size. I'd say and 8/10 - a valiant effort.

Once I put the pancake into my plate I turned my attention to the still-sealed bottle of maple-syrup my mom sent up with me to Michigan. All the while the gas stove was still on (low heat) to keep the pan warm for my second pancake.

Then it happened.

The most high-pitched, shrill, wake-up-the-dead-loud, wailing from the smoke-detector by the kitchen.

I froze. Then, "OhmygodohmygodohmygodOHMYGOD!!!!"

I whipped around back to the stove, twisted the knob to turn off the heat, moved the pan off the burner and flipped on the switch for the overhead fan. It started whirring at once, but the siren kept going. I could hear it sound on the bottom floor through my intercom (I'm on the 7th floor mind you). I was sure it was going off on every floor.

I ran around frantically trying to open windows and fan the air away from the smoke detector. I opened and closed the front door a few times to get the smoke out.

"Shut up. Oh God help me - why won't it SHUT UP!?!?!". Thoughts of an angry mob storming down the hall towards me in my apartment flooded my mind. What if the super comes up here? What if someone calls the fire department?! My apartment is a mess! At the last thought I began scooping up things on the floor and throwing them into the closet.

I was so getting kicked out. I'd have to live in my car. People won't hold the elevator for me. I will get dirty looks forever when I go to get my mail. "There goes the idiot who set off the alarm at 4 IN THE MORNING" they'd say.

What would I say back? Sorry I can't use a stove? Sorry I wanted pancakes? Who the hell thought I could live on my own!?!?! What am I --

It stopped.

As quickly as it hard started the piercing sound stopped. Still clutching a spatula in my hand I stopped moving, for fear I'd set it off again. Then, I waited.

1 minute rolls by. No neighbours come to the door.

5 minutes - no phone calls.

15 minutes - no fire engine sirens, no super.

Nothing. Relief. Thank you God. I sank into a nearby chair and shut my eyes. Due to shock over the incident I had lost all remaining appetite and left the pancake and remaining batter on the kitchen counter.

Then my eyes popped open. Heyyyy...what if I was really in trouble? Would no one come? How long would I have to wait before someone bothered to check what happened to the poor girl on the 7th floor at 4am!? What kind of selfish, uncaring neighbours did I have! Was the building full of heavy sleepers? Well, next time they set off the smoke detector, I'm not doing anything until they pry me away from my apartment. Hmph.

(on a completely sidetracked note, I now understand what a couple people told me about the blog being too wide - I think it has something to do with Firefox settings because I've now started using it instead of IE, where it was always fine. I've tried messing around with the settings but got nowhere, so if anyone knows how to set up the html so you don't have to scroll to see the sidebars, please let me know? Thanks.)

Blogophobia

2006-09-25T16:30:00.000-04:00

The time has come to end this blog.

It's been a good almost-two-year run, and a good many posts (in my humble opinion, or as they say in Internetese -IMHO) and a wonderful group of people who've supported me from the get-go and suffered through a million theme and template changes. You've read the ramblings from my spotless mind, and for that I am eternally grateful (see how I snuck the title in there? Neat-o, huh?).

But, I've come to learn about a medical condition that I have, and I think that along with full-time law studies, I should focus on overcoming this malady.

Folks, I've been diagnosed as a gephyrophobic-anuptaphobic-atychiphobic-consecotaleophobic-decidophobic-
lachanophobic-didaskaleinophobic-pentheraphobic-pharmacophobic-politicophobic-
entomophobic. It's a serious of conditions I have been long suffering and time has come that I seek help. My symptoms have been evident for a long time:

- fear of crossing bridges (gephyrophobia)
Whether I'm walking, driving, running, or looking over one, I don't like it. Imagine me trying to drive with my eyes half shut over the bridge to and from USA and Canada...interesting times) -

- fear of staying single (anuptaphobia)
Who doesn't have this one? Married and committed folks need not answer.

- fear of failure (atychiphobia)
Seriously. What if they kick me out of law school? I'm not going home. Seriously. Can they do that? How exactly would you bribe a professor...?

- fear of chopsticks (consecotaleophobia)
They are a hazard and you know it. I believe they are actually secret mini-fighting sticks. If someone came at me, first thing I would do is to reach for a set to poke the guy in the eyes. BAM! But otherwise, by the time I'm finished trying to hold them, everyone else has finished their meal.

- fear of making decisions (decidophobia)
I can't even decide whether I should post this or no. (See Shaz!?! IT'S NOT ME, IT'S THE DISEASE!)

- fear of vegetables (lachanophobia)
Why all the colours? And crunchiness? Why is everyone forcing me to eat them - conspiracy against the carbohydrates? And why are some "fruits" posing as "vegetables" (I'm talking to you, tomatoe)

- fear of going to school (didaskaleinophobia)
See "atychiphobia".

- fear of mother-in-law (pentheraphobia)
True, I don't have one. But they never seem nice on TV (thought I'm sure yours is lovely). Have you seen "Everybody Loves Raymond"!? This one contradicts the anuptaphobia.

- fear of taking medicine (pharmacophobic)
Don't trust the drug companies. Don't trust their pills. Except that banana-milkshake tasting stuff I got when I was a kid. That was some good stuff.

- fear or abnormal dislike of politicians (politicophobia)
Hmph. They all have shifty eyes and are mean. That whole kissing babies and shaking hands with the elderly thing is a SHAM. Personal agendas get ahead of the necessity of over-promised change. Yes, yes - I know there are some good ones out there. Kudos to them. But a few good ones are not going to influence the baddies. I could go on, but I've past my three sentence limit.

- fear of insects (entomophobia)
Creepy, crawly, yucky. I never win that "don't you dare move until I run out the room and get my brother to smush you" game. They always move...I think they sense fear.

So you see, after such a bevy of ailments, I can't possibly concentrate on my well-being and this blog and a loads of school-work, can I? Oh no...can I?! Uh oh..I feel a slight spasm of ergophobia coming on...

Home Sweet Home

2006-09-22T00:12:00.000-04:00

One of the best feelings in the world is coming home after spending a long time away from it. Though most would argue over what constitutes "a long time", but in my case, one month was just that.

It was just about a month ago that I sqaushed all my worldly possessions into our mini-van and drove to Michigan to start my law school career. And though many have said that time has flown by, and it didn't even seem like a month, to me it seemed close to an eternity.

I'm guessing that this anxious excitement will wane when it comes time for my next trip (Oct 27-30, tentatively) for my family, friends and I. It's the novelty of that first trip home that gets the emotions flowing. After that, trips home become routine and nothing special.

My mom has taken to treating me like a guest during this first trip. Gone are the family room couch throws, all the beds have been made extra nice, carpets everywhere vacuumed meticulously (it's not that we're regularly dirty people, it's just that you can see the roller marks from the vacuum meaning it's just been done), special menus considered and prepared. As much as I appreciate the gestures it hurts to think that I've become a guest in my own home. So the first thing I did was to put the couch throws back, get into my pajamas, put my hair up, and space out in front of the tv. Utter bliss.

The drive here wasn't bad, surprisingly. I thought I'd get bored and sleepy and just bored. But with the right music and a loud singing voice, anyone can make time pass by quicker. Normally (and by that I mean when my dad drives) it takes us about 5+ hours to get from "my place in Michgan" (that's what I call it, instead of "home") to home. I got here in exactly 4.5 hours. I left at 9am (though the original plan had been to leave at 7am...thanks to Shazia and Iram, that plan didn't work) and rolled into my driveway at 1:30 on the dot.

I thought they'd ask me all sorts of questions at customs, but the only concern the officer had was why I didn't have a license plate on my car (I just got it last Friday, dealership didn't get the plates so I have a temporary license tape to the back window). I explained my cause and after asking where I was coming and going, he motioned for me to leave. Holding my passport, birth certificate and immigration documents from school I looked at him confused. Didn't he want to know my name? Why I was there? Question me about food, plants or animals in my car? My nationality?? Nope. "You can go" is all he said. Damn, and I had eloquent answers prepared for him. Maybe I just look really innocent? We'll see what they ask on my way back when trying to get back into the U.S. But I don't have to worry about that until Monday.

I missed home. The further I drove down Hwy 401 and the closer I got to the exit, the more jumpy I got. You'd think nothing would change in short month, but to see the construction of buildings completed, when they were only steel frames when you last left, just changes your mental layout of places you pass by daily. And I will admit, I was most excited to pass by Tim Horton's then anything else. Then came my friend's street, local mall, grocery stores, and a short while later my house. I refuse to call Michigan "home", because true to my dorkish-self, I say that if home is where your heart is, then I never left.

Google this

2006-09-18T22:38:00.000-04:00

Google this:

What does Khadeeja mean

and check out the first hit...now how does that happen when I don't have my name anywhere on here?

And funny that it only happens when I request the meaning. Nothing else. You can't quite call it irony...serendipity? An omen...?

It's just odd...

2006-09-18T04:51:00.000-04:00

Jon Stewart Post 9/11 Speech

This is one of the many reasons why I love this guy. If only he would run for President!

School daze

2006-09-14T00:16:00.000-04:00

I have a tiny confession to make...

And I don't want anyone judging me for it. Or laughing. Though you will laugh. Or at least make fun. Well, knowing the people who read this, you'll do both.

I based most of my expectations of my first year of law school from Legally Blonde.

Ok, I'll wait til you digest that.

Done?

Yes, it feels good to say that out loud. Unless of course I am being made fun of.

But in honesty, I had no idea what to expect of my classes and being more nervous than any other time in my life, I turned to the only source of solace my generation knows - TV and movies. I mean if I can't get comfort from the big screen, where else? Friend and family? (Oh yeah...friends and family...should've thought of that before) But at that point the only person I knew who'd gone to an American law school was Reese Witherspoon. And so I watched the movie and was surprised to find a lot of similarities. From the subject being discussed in class (I had no idea what mens rea was when I first watched it, now I can recite about three cases on the subject) to the people and even the dreaded and much feared Socratic method (still haven't been called on in class...) they have even included some of the same books I'm using now. Obviously the real thing isn't exactly like the movie, but it was still a little comforting.

There! Are you happy? I've divulged my hidden secret to the public.

Classes are going well. The only thing is that because we get called on randomly in class, we always have to be prepared with all our readings and case briefs. Not only for that but it's easier to follow along because the prof will give no notes - it's all discussion. We were told in orientation that we don't come to lecture to learn, that's up to us to do on our own, but to discuss and affirm what we've learned. I say, "Dude! I could so totally do that all on my own back in my hood! Why am I paying all these bills for this next ish? For realz, thas whack." (I really do talk like that in my head). But it is just a completely different experience than undergrad. A lot more work - you get behind in one class, you seem to be behind in all of them. You realize this by week 2. The other thing you realize is that your brain has to somehow delete all unnecessary trivia and information to make room for the massive amounts of information you have to take in and learn for the final exam (90% of the final mark; midterm is 10%...in the second year it's 100% exam...awesome...).

Sadly life is taking a turn...more like a rotation, around school. Mention the words "going out" to a law student and pale face will look up from behind a 1200 page casebook, blink twice, and try frantically look up the phrase in the legal dictionary next to him/her.

It's all about time management, they tell me. Perfect. I lack any and all knowledge and predisposition to time management. Regardless of the organizers, calendars and schedules that I fill up with things to do, I will, without a doubt, get somehow sidetracked and end up wasting hours of useful time doing something useless. I'm too stubborn to follow my own schedule. (" Dude, me follow a schedule? Like, that's totally not, like, what's gonna control me, ya know what I'm sayin'? I follow rules for no one...not even me!") Yes. I'm that stubborn.

It's a matter of getting used to, I know, everyone tells me that too. Since it's only been week 2 I can't say much more. Meeting new people is my next biggest concern, since I'm shy and don't end up meeting people easily but I've been lucky to meet the great people I have, and even a few people from the Toronto area - yay!

There's a Contracts casebook calling my name so I'm out. If anyone has any good time management or study tips let me know, please? Free legal advice! (in 3 years...!)

I think I've offended the natives...

2006-09-09T01:19:00.000-04:00

I can't seem to catch a break. If it's not one thing here, then along comes another. Maybe it's all those jokes I made about the U.S. coming back to haunt me (who knew karma could cross the border?) but there seems to be a block in everything I attempt to do here.

First the whole cable/internet fiasco. And to continue with that loving trend, Comcast sent me another bill today for the service installation between Aug 28-29th...when I wasn't here. They apparently had 2 accounts under my name and billed me twice and gave me a hassle when I called in and tried to explain to the call center rep (Listen Mr. Langdon Meyer, I'll be writing a strongly worded letter to you're higher ups...though I know it will be discarded quicker than it took me to hang up on you).

Then the Social Security Number (aka, the Social Insurance Number in Canada) thing. Oye. I'm eligible to get one here in the U.S. based on my student status, and I was told, by more than one source, that they would give me the number and mail me the card later. "Awesome!" I thought, since I needed it to open a chequing account and get my car. After an hour of waiting at the SSN office (after I accidentally walked into a military base office next door...scared the bejeezes out of me to see all these uniformed officers and a bespectacled secretary glaring at me behind the high desk) they told me I'd get my number in about two weeks.

>"Weeks? But I was told I'd get it now...as in today...as in now" I said sputtering in my confusion.
>>"Sorry, but we don't do that. I can't see your number".
>"Oh...ok then...well, I guess...ok then".

The worst part about this deal being that my parents had come up this weekend specifically for getting the car lease dealt with. We even put a deposit down on the car. And though the people at the dealership were unexpectedly kind and extremely helpful, we didn't get any further today. The poor manager called every person he could think of at the leasing office to see if they'd be able to use my Canadian SIN or find another way to get my the car, but nope. Not his fault or the GMAC, I know there are procedures. But I wan't my car :( What car you ask? Well, it's nothing glamorous (as you'd expect my to "roll" in) but still nice, observe:

The 2007 Buick LaCrosse CX in Glacier Blue (oooohhh...aaaahhh)

Long story short, no car, no SSN, parents leaving tomorrow, no car, too much work to do.

Funny story about the car. My friends and I went down to Niagara in April for my friend's "Bachelorette's Day Out" before she got married, and I went to rent a car for the trip and ended up (after a lot of haggling) with the 2006 version of this in some other colour (girls, do you remember? Goldish brown?) and I really loved driving it...so much that I thought about keeping it one extra day for myself. And voila, now I have it (almost...)

Alright, not so much a funny story then..a story.

People with younger siblings...please relate. Why must they take randomly use your things and either:

(a)never return the item, (b) break the item (c)break the item, neglect to tell you and never return it until you go mad tearing around the house looking for it because you now desperately need it (!!!).

Oh and did I mention that the best part of all this is that they never ask or at least inform you that they are ~~using~~,~~borrowing~~, taking said item, so that you really have no idea whether you've lost your mind and have misplaced the item yourself, or that you never had it to begin with and just imagined buying it. Maybe it's a middle child thing?

Oh yes buddy, this means you. I know you occassionally stumble onto this blog to catch up on my rants, so I am publicly putting you on notice (it's what Colbert would've done). I'm not even in the same country as you and it's still happening!!!

In short, give me back my umbrella or there will be no end to the consequences you will see (I have the law to back me up now too). I distinctly remember buying you an umbrella a few months ago. I expect it's now floating around in some void along with my Adidas bag, headphones, iPod, ER Seasone 1 DVD, and God knows what else)

(P.S. Just so you know, one of the many consequences being that I will make sure to spoil the whole upcoming season of Lost for you. You know I'd do it too, even if it means ruining it for me. Don't make resort to it. It won't be pretty.)

Had to do that one. It's the only way the kids these days learn, hit 'em where it hurts most - TV. Alright. That's it for me now. For anyone looking to de-stress, I have to say blogging is definitely one way to do it. If anything it keeps you distracted from your Torts book for awhile.

P.P.S. Did I mention, no car?

Duck Hunt

2006-09-06T00:10:00.000-04:00

Either I'm crazy, or there are a lot of noisy ducks outside my apartment. Or maybe one big loner duck. Maybe a goose? What do geese sound like? I figured they made sounds similar to ducks, maybe with more baritone. Anyone know?

Well there is a big river that runs right behind my place (don't get all excited, I don't have a lush riverside apartment, it's not a very clean river, but still can be pretty now and then) and I see a lot of lilly pads. Just no animals to be seen. Yet I hear that/those duck(s). Shouldn't they be flying South about now? The sound doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I can't see them.

Alright I'm crazy. I've gone into "The Shining" mode and whacked out like the main character Jack, snowed-in in a huge hotel with his wife and son. Until today, I was under a sort of house arrest, stuck in my apartment for 4 days with nothing to do other than watch TV, read, do my school reading assignments, set-up house, and watch old episodes of ER (I came prepared with all my DVDs from home). I don't get my car until maybe end of this week or next so I've not been able to wander far from home.

I'm still getting used to the idea of living on my own. I came from a house with 6 people down to just 1. And I gotta tell you, I'm not that amusing. I thought I could handle it, but turns out my family provided much needed distraction each and every day. And my place is big enough for one person, so I'm not claustraphobic (I could literally fit a twin/single mattress in the closets - they're huge). But when you come home and it's just you, after spending the whole day with you, you need to get away...from you...(see the crazy is starting to talk again). And nothing, other than the old TV and "homework", is there to save you from yourself.

I don't know why people are in a hurry to move out of their parent's nest. Sure there may be more freedom - you come and go as you please, but I think we put too much thought and weight into the "independence" factor. Moving out on your own will force you to be independent (no more "Mommmm, what's for dinner???") but I don't think you're a greater person for it. I made and spent my own money (I don't think I've ever spent anything of my parents after getting a job at 16...just never felt right - birthday money excluded). I have a few more responsibilities like paying a few more bills, rent, housekeeping, but nothing life-changing has happened.

Okay, so technically it hasn't even been a full week since I've been living on my own, but so far it's not anything special. I miss the hub-bub of home. Though it's funny, when I was home I remember wishing I could be on my own on a number of occassions because I never felt I was alone with so many people milling about - we're never satisfied! It's nuts!

I'll tell you what else is nuts...that damn duck down by the river...

Who am I to argue with online surveys?

2006-09-04T22:49:00.000-04:00

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read.Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Think 4.0 and it shall come...

2006-09-04T14:25:00.000-04:00

I have a bit of a problem with optimism. I used to think I was very optimistic. Any time someone would ask me about that proverbial glass, I'd say it was half full, since when you have an empty glass, you fill it up - it never comes with the liquid right? Maybe I read too much into it...

But life and aging has soured me (I sound like a 40 year old). While seeing ups and downs is a part of going through each day, I find I'm more optimistic for other people and less for myself. It may just be my nature to think more for others than for myself, or it just may be that I really am not optimistic. But then, I'm not pessimistic...all the time. I'm stuck in limbo between the two and while I don't think people fall neatly into categories of one or the other, I'd like to be able to define myself: "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm an optimistic, ambitious, generous, funny (??), halal-eating, non-drinking, Muslim, anti-war, gossip-column-reading, movie-loving, Scorpio, Canadian-living-in-the-U.S., intuitive, afraid-of-all-creepy-crawlies, law student...and yourself?"

Does that sum me up? I figured that by my mid-20s I'd be out of the quarter life crisis stage and would have a somewhat defnite handle on life. I don't expect to know it all (though I act like one - ha! See? A joke! I'm funny..right?) but I still expect to have some trail to follow. Most would say law school is a well-defined path. Sure, I'm planning on finishing school (though my pessimistic side will say that either I meet with some unfortunate accident before that, or I can't take the pressure and get kicked out) but then what?

For someone who likes the element of surprise and spontaneity I seem to want too many things pre-determined. It gives me comfort to know which direction I'm headed in. Though I do believe our fate is set out for us, I kinda wish I got a little preview.

A movie trailer for my life! Now that would be interesting - all the funny bits would be played out, while hinting at many of the twists and turns. We'd be able to see the casted main characters, and catch glimpses of all the exciting scenes. We'd even get to hear those great 'only in the movies' type one-liners. Then you could decide if that's a movie, or a road, you'd go to.

(I really do like most movie trailers better than the movie...short and sweet! You can watch tons at www.apple.com/trailers)

The Eagle has landed

2006-08-30T23:11:00.000-04:00

Good God it's finally happened. I am sitting here in my cozy 1-bedroom Michigan apartment after a long day (1 of 2) of orientation, somehow linked to the internet (I think I'm ~~mooching~~ ~~borrowing~~ sharing with some new neighbours because I couldn't get any connection when I was here last week.

The phone number has been set up (after the people at Cingular sent me a number with the wrong area code and I had to get the whole thing reset...apparently "Lansing, Michigan" sounds exactly the same as "Des Moines, Iowa"). The cable/internet is a different, irritating story.

I called Comcast Monday night, requesting a set-up on any time between Wednesday-Friday. They initially said Saturday and impatient as I am prone to be, I asked them to see if they could fit me in earlier, citing that I reeeealllyyyyy needed it for school. Again confusion struck and they sent someone to my place on Tuesday (must be the connection) while I got here Tuesday at about 10pm. So yet again I called Tuesday night, and they promised someone would be there Wednesday, since there'd be a technician in the area, but they didnt know when. I left my brother and dad at home and came home tonight at 6pm to realize - no technician. Since then and now I made 3 calls. First two I was told the tech guy was on his way. At 9:30, I figured, he wasn't. My American living experience was so far turning sour. During the third call an over-enthused man told me he was very sorry, tried to make small talk about Canada ("yes, it does snow a lot there. No, not all the time.") and again solemnly vowed I'd get a call tomorrow (Thursday) telling me when they'd be there. I'd hold my breath, but then I wouldn't make it to the end of my law degree.

My dad and brother are leaving tomorrow, so I will offically be on my own. Once I get my place cleaned up I'll post pictures of it so you can see my new digs (do people use that word anymore?). Til then tomorrow is Day 2 of orientation. I've already met someone nice people, but no kindred spirits yet.

More to post tomorrow...since I'll be all alone with nothing to do until class on Tuesday.

Where did the time go?

2006-08-29T12:05:00.000-04:00

After about a year of talking about moving the day is finally here. I leave my home in about two hours from now and make my way to Michigan to (finally) start law school. Who me? Law school? Live alone? Isn't that, like, a grown up type thing? I don't think I was aware of what I signed up for at the time...

Ah well, too late, car has been packed and a lot of new things bought. Most of my things are already there from my last trip up over the weekend. So all I have to do is, well, go.

Nervous? Yes. Scared? Maybe a little more than I'll actually admit too. Excited? Sure, there's excitement, it's just buried beneath the nervous and scared layers, but it's there. I've complained about how hard the whole process (applying to law school, getting admitted, moving, the work, etc) has been, but I know it's only the beginning, and I may have exaggerated just a tad (if you can't whine on your own blog then where can you?).

I won't have internet access until maybe Wednesday (the folks at Comcast still haven't called me back to confirm) but it may just drag on until Saturday. I'm busy with orientation things from tomorrow through Friday and after my dad and brother drop me off today, I'll be offically "on my own" on Thursday. The fear grows (I need the 'dun dun dunnnn' dramatic background music).

Wish me luck!

Villain named Murphy

2006-08-23T22:54:00.000-04:00

I don't know who this Murphy is/was and when/how/why he came up with his laws, but I don't like them.

In a nutshell ML says that when and where things can go wrong, where you are most hoping for them to go right, they will always go wrong. Have you ever gone to the mall to look for one thing? Just one, specific, item of clothing that you want, nay, need? My guess is most guys will say "mall? I don't even remember what it looks like from the inside", and most girls will say "I'm in the mall as I read this now" (I'm stereotyping/generalizing/sexismizing but could care less). I went in search of a grey (gray?) sweater vest. I searched shelves high and low in 3 different malls, in 3 different cities and came out with nothing. I found every other colour known to ~~mankind~~ peoplekind (that makes up for the previous comment) but no grey. GREY! Besides black and white I was certain it would be a popular colour, especially after a lady at the Bay told me it was very "in" this season. Well apparently, it wasn't "in" stores.

The search continues....

As of today I have one whole day to go before I move. Well ok, technically I'm leaving Friday, coming back Saturday night, then leaving Tuesday morning again, but the two days in between are my "in transit mode" days. I technically don't live here after the 25th, or so my parents say. I'm attending a workshop on the 26th (for which I've been given an assignment to brief 5 cases..*&#@!!!) only reason for my return trip is to a) drop my mom back home and trade her in for my brother (need more muscle power) and b) pick up more of my stuff to take back. I will offically be a landed immigrant in the US of A as of the 29th. Orientation starts on the 30th and ends on the 1st. My dad and brother will leave on the 31st, and classes start September 5th. Oh and I have homework due for the first day of class. yip...eeeeeee...*yawn*

The new season of Prison Break started this Monday. Can you believe the thing that happened, happened? I mean c'mon!

Umm, I've run out of things to say. Sorry kids, no words of wisdom (or clarity) in this post. Just a bunch of nonsensicalness to pass the time until the Daily Show starts.

(P.S. Anyone who finds a grey sweater vest must call/email/comment immediately to notify me, consider it an act to rebel against the evil Murphy).

Welcome to Boredom, Population: me

2006-08-16T17:19:00.000-04:00

I am bored. So very bored that I finally ventured onto Hi5 and updated my profile, left comments for many people, checked out many pictures of people connected to the people I know.

I Photoshopped many pictures, changed the image on this blog, thought of starting a new blog. Thought of deleting this blog (it's starting to seem narcissistic to continue with this blog written by me, about me, and for me).

I caught up on emails. Filled out surverys sent to me by Web Perspectives. Read every blog I've bookmarked on the web. Caught up on news. Called old friends to catch up. Watched three movies (Failure to Launch, The Family Stone and Inside Man). Wrote 'Thank you' cards to people. Sold some items on eBay. Bought some items on eBay. Checked online for all the books I need for school. Read as much as I could from them through Amazon.ca.

Books are packed, so couldn't read. Can't buy new ones (no money). I checked all old credit card statements for mistakes. Watched too many cartoons for my good. Teased my sister to the point she ran away from me and threatened not to come back.

In short, I'm bored (did I say that already?). I've turned into an Internet vagabond.

Have I packed? Meh...I'll get to it tomorrow.

50 Coolest Websites

2006-08-14T16:43:00.000-04:00

And here I was complaining about Halloween candy already being out in stores. Seems like those 'best of 2006' lists are already out though we've got about 4+ months to go before year end:

Time.com releases it's 50 Coolest Websites of 2006

The Rise and the Fall

2006-08-14T12:14:00.000-04:00

The Rise

- the number of people opting for plastic surgery to 'fix' things they don't like about their body. I could say I disapprove of any form of alteration to our natural state, but then I'd be a hypocrite. Girls wax, tweeze, pluck, add layers of make-up to themselves everyday. This is definitely not the natural form. These days many guys are also following suit and doing the same (though less obviously in some cases). Though plastic surgery is a permanent change, I know many girls who won't leave the house without a full routine of make-up, whether it's going to the grocery store or a party. "Permanent makeup" is now also very popular. It's pretty much a tatoo of colour on your face, and many people are deciding to take this route, rather than apply the make-up daily. I'm not judging them; if they are more comfortable that way, then that's great. But it does bring to mind the question, what's the difference whether you make the change surgical or temporary? Personally I would never go under the knife (a conceited, or at least confident, person would say there's was nothing that needed changing!) for a number of reasons, but at the same time, I can't judge and condemn those who do.

- my school schedule is looking up. I don't have any classes starting before 1pm and I have Friday's off. I know most of the professor's I'll have and I've checked them out on RateMyProfessor.com and a couple of them are great, a couple not so great. Only drawback is a class I have on Thursdays from 7-9pm. My parents don't like the idea of me being at school that late, I don't like the idea that I'll miss Scrubs and may be late watching ER. Oh, and the whole thing about being able to drive home on Thursday nights to spend the weekends here. That's sorta important too (as long as I get home before 10pm EST, I'm ok..ER!)

- I'm blogging more frequently. Why is that? More to say? Or maybe more desperate to get it out into the open. Seeking attention? That's probably not such a plus point. Though then again, depending on who reads your blog, you really don't know who you're getting attention from, so that can't be it. Maybe it's nerves. Nervousness arising from all that is coming up in two weeks from now. Yeah, that must be it.

The Fall

- It's gettin' cold outside. The season is taking it turn and instead of humid, warm breeze, a sharper, stronger breeze is taking it's place. I've always loved that Tim Horton's commercial where a girl is walking in a neighbourhood and a browining leaf falls to the ground at her feet. She takes one glance and turns on heels and runs down the sidewalk screaming. It sort of made me feel like that when I saw the weather forecast.

- I saw Halloween candy at Zellers. HALLOWEEN! Orange and black boxes with pumpkins and witches drawn on the side, filled to the bring with toothsome concoctions of chocolate and chips. It's two and a half months away! Who buys Halloween candy now!?

- Birthday is coming up (in about 2 1/2 months, but it'll be here soon). This means turning a year older. Which means a different sort of pressure arises from the parents regarding the 'M' word. The world starts to make a little more sense as you close the book on the "quarter life crisis" and understand yourself better. The worst thing about this upcoming birthday is that I will be so far away from all my friends and family. For the first time no one at home will rush into my room when the clock strikes midnight to wish me a "happy birthday". Friends won't come over to pass on more wishes and love. Yeah, most people say I will make new friends once I get there, but it's not like anyone will know my birthday, and this really isn't the age to go telling everyone when it is just for the attention. Ah well, what can I do? My birthday falls on a Monday this year so I will be tucked away in my Michigan apartment studying away.

Remember when birthdays were about sharing cupcakes with your kindergarten class? You'd get to be the special helper for the day, and you ruled the sandbox. Anyone who did not give you the best toys had to be reminded by yourself and others that since it was your birthday, the rules of sharing existed only for them. Presents included: Skip-it, Lite Brite, My Little Pony, Barbie, Tonka Trucks, Atari, Nintendo, Cabbage Patch Kid, View Master, Care Bear, Clue, Operation, Popples, My Little Buddy (or My Sister) and of course, Legos.

As you grew older, gone were the cupcake days, as well as the days of cakes shaped as Barbie (I never had one of those, but I really wanted one when I was about 8). You entered junior high and it became about having either a small party at your house, or going out for a supervised movie. Presents included any sort of cool jewellry or clothes (for girls) that you could get out of the $20 your parents gave you to spend. I have no ideas what guys got at this age...?

High school, the parties moved to restaurants and elsewhere with the biggest group of friends you could manage to draw out for that special night. It also became a silent contest to see who could do the most grown up thing for their parties. Presents included pretty much anything. Around this time most people started working and earning their own money so gifts, although maybe not so expensive or personal, didn't fall into any one category - except nothing nerdy like a book (gasp!).

When you entered university/college, the group of friends helping you celebrate your day diminished. Left were the close friends who took you out to dinner and let you decide on the place. The choice of restaurants began to change though. East Side Mario's wasn't the default anymore as taste and price ranges expanded (this may also have something to do with access to a car). Presents became more thoughtful and varied. Books were allowed back in as an acceptable gift.

(Note: I am perfectly willing to accept any of the above as a present for my upcoming birthday. Especially a Nintendo. With Mario Bros. #1-3)